Seriously

would it kill this family to let me be alone in this house for 60 minutes?

On the sly

When one has no money to spend one must find other things to occupy their time. Things like getting rid of shit. Accumulated shit. I decided to takle Christmas Crap today. We have so much Christmas Crap it isn't even funny. I was down in our basement for 15 minutes and have tossed the following:

Their arms are broken off. They are creepy

Their heads fall off every year. Notice the toothpicks!

To throw things away in our home you have to do it on the sly. For example this dog.
I think someone won it at a fair. Our dog has attacked it. It's has dried slobber all over it. No one cares about it and it was never a favorite of our children. I've tried to throw it away (put it in the garbage cans in the bedrooms) for 3 weeks now. My father always empties those before I get around to it. Every week I find it on the floor next to the garbage can. Today I put it in a bag and threw it away in the actual garbage can outside. We will not be safe until the garbage men take the can away in their truck. My father is known to go through our trash. He has gotton very angry at my husband for throwing away old paint cans with 1 cup of paint in them. He likes to leave his mail and important papers over here and then yell at us for throwing them away.

Which brings me back to the Christmas Crap. I hate this shit. It usually breaks in a year or two. Which is good reason to throw it way. Nope. It can be fixed. Fixed with glue, wood putty (his favorite) or tape.

He buys things like this:

The Wonderland Bear Band. Notice the instrument is broken. It is supposed to be a trumpet not a horn. It cannot be fixed. Trust me on that one.

The big ass snow globe that doesn't have snow. Notice how some of the pieces are "loose". Yeah, real nice. Now I bet I can take that cover off and fix it, but why?

The above two items only fit on the floor or the fireplace hearth. They are really pointless. The big question is .....Can I throw them away (or donate) without my father knowing or getting angry. He means well, I get that. I don't see a reason to keep something if I don't like it and it gets in the way of the vacuum. The kids don't play with the above. Strangely they still play with the fisher price nativity people. There is joy in that. Even I play with it.

Maybe my father forgot about the Wonderland Bear Band. Who am I kidding? He has the mind of an 8 year old. He remembers everything. Except to take his mail and important papers home.

emails

To my husband:

The GE repairman came by today. You know those pieces you didn't put back in the dishwashwer? Yeah, they were pretty important. He put them back in and the dishwasher works. All is well.

To Tommy's friend's moms:

I need to check with Tommy's two favorite friends. Are you guys going to be around Sunday? I'd like to have his birthday party that day. I know he's told your sons that it's going to be Laser tag, but I'm going to make him cry when he gets home and tell him the place blew up or something along those lines. It will either be the movies or the skate park.

To my friend:

Or shall I say "how it IS going to go!" Your dad will get a pod. We will move your stuff into the pod. You will move into our home. J___ and I have talked about this too many times to count and we want you here and not there. It is not an inconvience. For you, yes, for us NO. You can watch House with me. How fun is that? H______ can learn that she doesn't want brothers or sisters also. They are a pain in the ass. Tommy can teach her the miserable life of the middle child from his point of view. Julia can teach her how miserable brothers are. David will just suck his thumb and whine. It's a perfect life lesson.

{snipped short because this is the details and me telling her how this isn't normal}

Where is the fucking logic in that? As adults we accept responsibility for our actions. We learn from mistakes. We are adults.

______ can't hurt us in anyway. He'd would be an ass trying to start something down here. Brandy would tear him to pieces. Do you reallly think he would mess with J____. That's another thing I would never do. J_____ would kick his fucking ass.

Updates

We have no food. ( things like breakfast and lunch stuff) Our dishwasher broke. We have $50 in our checking account. I don't get my unemployment check until tomorrow.

I can get all the "food" stuff we need with a check that won't be cashed until Wednesday at the earliest. The dishwasher is still under the one year warranty, but is out of commission until this Friday. That unemployment check better come tomorrow. Husband's first real paycheck should be in our account Thursday morning. Back on the road to financial freedom!

My friend had to call the cops to escort her out of the house last night. Since her husband hadn't physically hit her, they can't make him leave. He just called her a fucking cunt in front of her daughter several times. That along with some other pleasant words screamed at the top of his lungs. This went on for about an hour. He was drunk again (of course). Then the fucking asshole tells her this morning that THEY can't be behaving like this. THEY?!!!! She finally took my advice and stayed here last night. My husband met her at the door and she knows this is a safe haven. If her soon to be ex even thinks of starting anything with us he's going to get it. Both adults in this home are excellent at firearms and we have lots of them. My husband is going to have to let me know where the key to the gun safe is. Throwing shot-gun shells at somehow is not a good defense tactic. Though, first and foremost our dog will fucking tear him to pieces if he even attempts anything with anyone in this house.

I'm hoping my friend and her daughter stay here until her rental opens up in December. Her husband is very unstable. He sells guns out of his home. Yes it sounds like we are all a bunch of white trash living in some god-forsaken trailer park. That is so not the case. He is white trash. I will admit that. Because seriously why sell guns out of your home? All of us thought that was stupid. He even came to happy hours with a gun strapped to himself (because he had a permit to do so). We have police officers who came to our happy hours and they didn't carry guns.. Then again they are normal adults. Who the hell carries a side-arm to a party? What, is some engineer, school principal, or accountant going to go nuts and you're going to have to shoot him? Why did we not see this? We just thought to ourselves "oh that's John*." (*not his real name)

I have to say. Thank God it's Monday.

Do NOT try this at home

Our new insurance doesn't start for 90 days. I decided to cut my zoloft dose down to half during this time. Some days I don't even take it. It caught up to me yesterday.

I thought the headace I had was from not drinking water while in bars all night. I woke up Sunday, downed a gatorade, drank tons of water, took aspirin, then perscription Ibuprofen and finally a treximet (magic migraine med) and nothing worked. I remembered my pharmicist telling me about the awful headaces that happen after not taking zoloft for two days. I crawled downstairs and took one.

Today I feel much better. I guess I'm going to be paying full price for these meds for the next 60 some days. Typical luck.

my night out in hell

So I lost my mind and went out with my friend for a night on the town with her and two other single girls. When I decided to go I was in sweats, no make-up, hair pulled back (half curly half straight) and looking pretty much like I was going to bed. It took me all of 10 minutes to get ready. We go and pick up the other girls. The other girls who supposedly have a designated driver.

The other girls are pretty much lit-up when we get there. They are still getting ready and no designated driver. I decide to be the driver because I'm not much for drinking (on a Saturday night) and I have no money. Though, how long does it take to put on make-up and earrings. I'll tell you....1 fucking hour.

We have to go to a "fun" bar. We drive into town and go to some new fancy bar. It is packed. You can't even get near the actual bar. I want to leave right when we get in. But noooo this crazy bitch we were with is looking for a man. Any man. She flirts with anyone that looks at her. I realize at this point that she has "issues". I spend the next hour trying to look interested and not to get too banged up from people pushing around me.

Finally we leave. No one wants to go where I want to go ( later I realize that is where people our age hang out) We go into the area where all the 20+ somethings hang out. Oh yeah real fucking fun. We end up at an actually decent bar where I sit at the bar (by myself...thank God) and watch highlights of college football. Then the other girls (at the outside deck bar) find me. They are wasted (with the exception of my friend) and I immediately get embarassed by the crazy bitch. I tell her that her top is open and she lets me know..."shhhhh" She wants it that way. OMG get me out of here. Soon some guys are coming by and flirting. I tell my friend I'm going outside for some air and instead end up in her car listening to comedy radio. (which btw is hysterical) My friend and I text back and forth. I tell her to stay, b/c I'm having fun (by now the police have come to settle something at the bar next door so I have something to watch also). My friend comes out and rants about how this single life is going to suck. I explain she is with the wrong people, the wrong bars, blah, blah, blah. Soon the other two girls come out. It is 12:45. Last call is 1. I'm almost home free. My friend sees someone she knows and catches up to her. Then the crazy bitch is in the car with me. The other girl (drunk off her ass) is with my friend and other girl up the street.

The crazy bitch found a hook-up two blocks away. I need to drive her there NOW. I tell her it's not my car and wait for the others. She bitches why can't I drive her and then go pick them up. Now I'm getting mad. I debate about going "rouge" on her ass. I've got about 30lbs on her and some pretty decent arm muscles. She's white trash though and she could probably kick my ass. (i've never fought anyone and I'm sure she has some experience in it) She bitches and bitches, same shit over and over "where the fuck are they, why can't I drive her 2 blocks" I want to turn around and say "why don't you walk the fucking two blocks for God's sake!!" So now the other three girls get in. We've added another girl to our night. It's now 12:52. Everyone wants to make last call with the exception of the crazy bitch. I just want this nut out of the car. I say we are dropping her off first.

What a fucking nightmare dropping her off becomes. First we get on the street. I have to drive, no stop, no drive to that car, stop, drive to that car now, go backwards down the whole street. Just get the fuck out of the car I tell her. No I have to drive her to the fucking front door we just passed. She gets out in a huff. Then her friend jumps out while I'm driving away (car door open and all). Dear God. I'm about ready to explode. I do a "u-ee" in the road and finally coax the drunk girl back in the car. (YES WE ARE ALL IN OUR 40'S!!!!!!!)

After all that we don't make last call. Yea I think. No. We drive to some other total 20ish bar and the girls run in. I have the drunk girl who gets out of the car with a bottle of beer. The cops are right there. I throw the beer and escort her into the bar, because she can barely walk.

Get out the bouncers say, we are closing up. Whew. We all go back to the car and distress girl calls her boyfriend and the conversation somehow goes through the radio. "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, SHUT-UP,FUCK...." This is her boyfriend talking. I turn around and start lecturing distress girl (she's 27) and even though I know isn't computing I still do it.

We go back to the original bar and get in. Why are they letting us in? Seriously why? We stay there for another hour. I don't get home until 2:30 am.

Today I have a raging headace and I didn't even drink last night. So much for good karma.

what I have been doing lately

Decluttering. I'm going crazy with this. I have been hard core since I was layed off. Who knew we had so much crap in our home. I've learned a lesson though. Once I bag it (clothes, china, toys, etc) I put the bag in my car. If I leave the bag in the hallway, spare bedroom, dining room it will stay there for months on end. If it's in my car it's got to go!

This week I made a trip to Goodwill (clothes, china and knicknacks) the church
(shoes to share) the Humane Society (all my old sheets, blankets and towels). Everything was put in the car on Tuesday and I just got back from the Humane Society. Whew.

I still have more crap to go through though. Baby steps.

My good friend is getting a divorce. We have been discussing her life on our morning power walks. I can't believe I didn't know how bad she had it. Sure, I didn't have a high opinion of her husband and his lack of interest in their daughter, but I never realized how abusive he was/is. I was made aware of some serious issues a couple of years ago, but she never let on about what a fucking idiot he is. Serious fucking idiot. Well the shit got really bad when she told him it was over. I wanted her and her daughter to move in with us, actually begged her to leave (long story short that's all your getting)

Now she's looking for a townhouse to rent. I can't wait for her to get out of that house with her daughter. Things haven't been too bad the past 2 days, but you never know with that asshole.

My kids will never do winter swim team again. I'm tired of all the complaints about practice. It's whine, whine, whine. WTF. I think their practices look so easy compared to what I had to do. Anyhow, my daughter is just too tiny to ever be really good, my son is really a baseball lover and well the youngest, heck he complained about a stupid half hour swim lesson. There is no way I'm wasting money on the team with him.

We are still so very poor. I didn't hit my 401ks. It's just not worth it. Seriously, the recession has pretty much taken 30+% of that money. We have run out of baggies (for snacks) and aluminum foil (for sandwiches). Now I wrap their cookies in plastic wrap (which I'd like to strangle the ass who made that shit, and my husband for buying it) and I use wax paper with tape for their sandwiches.

I'm going to try and not buy any food until AFTER Thanksgiving. With the exception of lunch meat and milk. Oh and spirits. Spirits like Gin. "Cause I'm out and I hate vodka and who the hell bought the expensive Tequilla? Seriously who?

My diet is so-so. I think I have PMS because I can not get enough food in me. Food made with salt, there just isn't enough in this house. My boobs are huge and sore and I put on 2lbs. I'm still working out. I think I'm there 4x a week on top of my 3x a week powerwalks. Feeling good about that.

My father is still here every single day. It's driving me up the wall. One hour. I want one hour in this house alone! Just one hour (maybe 2) It will never happen until the kids have moved out so I need to quit complaining about it. (for the rest of the week)

Girl Scout Motivational Poster

Did I forget to mention that I am the "cookie mom"?

half

Half a paycheck. Fuck. The check is less than what we got from the former company. Granted that was for 2 weeks not one. The question is can we wait another two weeks for a real check? Honestly, I don't know. I am going to have research what money we have in retirement funds.

Fuck.