Never say Never

"I refuse to bring my summer clothes back out."

Mmmm-hmmmm. What was I doing last night and this morning? Going under the bed and getting my summer clothes back out? Yes you would be correct. I want to take my fist and put it through the television and smack the smiles off the weathermen/ladies face when they smile excitedly about the high temps and the records we will be breaking in the next 5 days. I personally think they should be running around, screaming in the weather center about this heat wave in October.

I went walking with my friend last night and the first thing she said to me was "isn't this weather the best!?!" When I didn't answer right away.... she said "i forgot, you hate summer" She's a true summer girl. Me a winter girl.

The truly only good thing that has come out of this is that I've about organized every nook and crany in my home. If the heat wave continues I think I will learn carpentry. It's either that or start scrapbooking for the youngest.

I think I posted this last summer.

Summers were always the worst time, the long, exposing days, the relentless sunlight revealing the cracks, invading the darkest corners. Each autumn, as children appeared on the streets in their slightly too-large school uniforms, as the nights began to eat into the days, my lungs would fill with the damp air of relief.
People often ask me when I first became ill, a question I find impossible to answer. There was no single moment like breaking an arm; no malarial mosquito. Mental illness, in my experience, has no beginning as such, but a gnawing inevitability eating through the very foundations of one’s existence — or that’s how it feels. Each summer seemed more precarious, each autumn a more miraculous survival. I changed jobs regularly, moved to a new flat every few months, constantly shifting, like one on the run, anxious to avoid detection.---Clare Allen

I will not end up in a mental institution like the author. I did not post the rest of the essay b/c her decline into mental illness is not pretty.


I'm not saying I have a summer mental illness either. I can handle summer. I can go to the pool, hang outside with the kids, do swim meets in the blazing sun. I can manage. What I can't seem to grasp is a heat wave in October.

Indian summers are heat waves in September. I have lived in the same state my entire life. I remember jeans and sweaters right about now. Going to football games and drinking hot chocolate. I don't remember wearing summer tank tops and drinking ice cold water and sweating profusely in October. I think this is the first year that we will turn our airconditioner on in October. How sad is that?

As always I will try to end on a happy note. I do get better as the day goes on. (as long as I'm in the wood paneled room with the blinds shut) no seriously.... my son's teacher had a talk with him and the little girl and though it was involved things seem much better. We will get the whole story tonight from the teacher. I'm very pleased with my daughter's progress in the winter swim team league. This YMCA is fantastic and I can see the improvement in a short two weeks of practice. David is getting much better. Still likes to drop bowel movements outside (which I should videotape b/c it does crack me up...but I don't want to encourge this) He is a dare devil at age 3. Scares the heck out of me on his big wheel daily. The dog...still eating socks, lolipops, trash, you name it. Ready for the hunt though.