I'm a bitch

Yes I am a bitch. AF is coming. I have eaten everything in this house. Even brautworst (sp) I just stuck the spoon in the natural, honey peanut butter (2x) I've yelled at everyone at least 20 million times. I've decided I want a wife. I want to come home to a clean house, a cooked dinner and eat my dinner by myself in peace and quiet while I read the NY Times. I want to do 1 load of wash to my wife's 8 loads. Then I want to leave that load in the dryer till she gets around to finding it. I never want to clean the bathrooms, make the bed, or put my clothes away. I want to sit in the living room and read the rest of the paper while she loses her mind with the children. I want to go to the VFW and drink beer and never have to worry about putting on weight. I want to lose 10lbs this year while doing no dieting and just walking the dogs 2 nights a week. I will enjoy all my hobbies that take me out of the house for hours at a time. I want my wife to have to do all the painting b/c "i don't paint" I want to have 3 bowel movements a day and announce to everyone that I am going to the bathroom. Which basically means I'm outta here for the next half hour. I don't want to put a fan in the bathroom b/c that would be a pain in the ass. I don't want ceiling fans b/c it would lower our gas/electric bills and it bothers me-- that air on me. I do love putting the kids to bed everynight. I will bathe the kids when asked. I want a wife.