Ever wonder

Do you ever wonder how you got to today? I was putting on my son's shoes for him today and this is not how I saw my life. Well, I don't know how I really saw my life at 39. Don't get me wrong I am very happy with where I/we are. I have a fantastic husband. He is hot and sexy as hell to me...he's definately my type...rugged, outdoorsy, hunter, fisherman, ex Marine, (whoops once a Marine always a Marine) kinda like a young Harrison Ford type. The only thing we are different are on is his NRA membership, and politics. He's as RED as you can get and I've gone from RED to BLUE. Isn't it suppose to be from liberal to conservative as you got older? What the hell I do things backwards most times anyway.

Anyhow I digress...I have three wonderful kids (who, yes on someday's, work on that last nerve I have) I always pictured myself with 2 boys. Well I do have two boys and one girl. Maybe it's b/c I was an only child that I'm not used to; "he's copying me" "make her quit kicking me" "he's looking at me" "i'm first" "i won" "you're a poopy head". Well anyway that "I never pictured this" ran through my head today. Some days I get panic attacks (very small ones) worrying about:

when they grow up
Am I not playing with them enough while they are young
Am I a good mother
Am I doing it all wrong
Should I be more patient, more lax, more strict
How will we afford what's best for them

I guess every parent worries about the above. I'm just starting to get a little freaked about it all.

Weird thing happened last weekend. We were at that party and some guy from middle school saw and recognized me. (found out later) I actually talked to him ("no thank you") and I would never in a million years place him as who he was. How the hell can you recognize someone from like 25 years ago. Actually it bums me out b/c i was such a middle school looooser! Anyhow, found out later that while I was carrying the baby and leaving he said to my neighbor "she has a baby?!!! She's my age!!" What the hell is that suppose to mean? I had the baby at 38...ok i'm not a young mom, but it wasn't like I was 49 and a new mother. So I started late with marriage and kids. (married at 31, first child 33, then 34 and last one at 38---If I had to choose between getting married at 31 vs 21 I would definately choose the former) I just thought the whole comment was strange and how the hell can someone recognize me 25 years later?