letters to the family

Dad,

There is this thing called a plate. You put your toast on it, THEN cut it and eat off THE plate. Also, I really don't care about Bank of America dividends.

Tommy and David,

We have had this conversation 1,000th's of times. You don't wear jeans ONCE and then expect me to wash them. You wear your jeans 20x THEN I wash them. Be a little more like your mom. It really pissed me off when I came in your room and saw this...........

You do realize that laundry basket was empty on SUNDAY! I'm going to start charging each of you 25 cents when I find unworthy jeans in the laundry basket.

Julia,

You tell your teacher YOU forgot your homework because your house is messy. Listen sister, you have papers strewn throughout the house. In the living room, kitchen, dining room and den. I've already recycled your homework once please learn your lesson and keep everything in one place. Also I'm sick of those little, strange, big headed girls you draw. Why must each one be cut into a little square. I threw them out. Whoops.

Felix,

You are a cat. Not a dog.



Joe,

The dryer IS NOT YOUR CLOTHES drawer. You do realize that it would be easier on you to put dry clothes in your bedroom rather then coming downstairs to get clean clothes. Oh and please clean out the cars. Example, when you take the dog on training runs in the creek, remove all the camoflauge thing-a-ma-jigs out of my car. There is a seat cushin and big-ass waders in there. My car smells like wet feet, wet dog and I think ass.