guilt

works wonders. So he fixed the toilet. Did that in under half an hour. Here I thought it was some big job, why hasn't he done it before? Oh well. Then he started to take the play set down. It, of course is half-way done. I don't have to worry about it sitting there for 2 years like the toilet because my husband has this thing about our yard looking like white trash. I honestly, deep down know that he hates my clothes lines (we have a corner lot so everyone can see it) He doesn't complain because he knows how much money we are saving. I just hope that he, for once in his life asks one of the neighbors for help moving that monstrasity. Yesterday I was helping him and that was a joke. I have a feeling I will be lugging 500lbs of swing set while he yells at me this weekend. I always do it wrong. That's what I don't get. Get one of the neighbors who he helps ALL THE TIME to do it. It's always me moving stuff that is 3x my weight.

He has this thing asking about NOT asking for help. It's totally f'd up. Even the neighbors have commented to me about it. I always hear "why didn't he call us?" Last summer the well went dry. He wanted ME to help him remove the pump, and put the new one in. I said .. screw that and secretly called up a neighbor, who brought another neighbor and another one joined later. It took them 5 hours to do the job. These weren't just any neighbors. One had done it the month before and the other two were plumbers. There was no way in hell I could of done what three large men were doing.

I love my husband (very, very much) but sometimes I think he is plain weird and too nice. I'm sure he thinks the same about me.

thanks

for getting up early and leaving to help a friend out. Thanks for taking the tahoe with Tommy's baseball equipment in it. Of course it was my job to get him to baseball practice. You haven't done that since the season started. Thanks for staying at your friends for 4+ hours. I scrubbed our bathroom, did three loads of wash, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the dog shit up and put the compost tumber back on it's stand. The latter was no easy feat. I figured a way for one person to do the job. It's not like I haven't asked you to help me for 3 weeks to get that thing back up there. Don't worry I did it. I made sure you know I did it. All of a sudden you have an interest in moving the swing set so we can have a bigger garden this year. It was suppose to be moved in the summer, then the fall and now you want to do it today. Yeah right. So I sent you to the store to get supplies to fix our toilet which has been broken for two years. Fix that and next week you can get that friend to get his fat ass up here and help us do something for once.

Vent over.

Seriously

who the hell invented goodie bags at birthday parties. I would seriously like to strangle her. When Julia had her second birthday one of the mom's asked "where are the goody bags?" I looked at her like she was nuts. What are goody bags I asked. "you know bags of candy or small toys that the kids take home" So I'm thinking...I invite you to a party, I pay for the food, cake, craft, pottery, bowling, ice skating, etc (not all at one birthday party mind you...just over the years) and I'm suppose to give your kid a bag with a present of some sort for coming? Is this a joke? Then I noticed when my kids went to parties they got a goody bag. A goody bag that the other two kids cried about "because where is their goody bag?" A goody bag with some crappy toy that broke within two hours of coming home. Usually the dog ate it. Sometimes mom or dad threw it away because we were tired of seeing it on the floor. That goody bad. I have actually done the goody bag (b/c I didn't want to be known as "that mom" who didn't do the goody bag. )God only knows what I spent on the goody bag over the years.

Here's my take...I never got a goody bag at birthday parties when I was a kid. I've never had lice either. Hmmmm, coincidence or conspiracy? I'm turning into an old person..."kids you know, when I was your age we DIDN'T get goody bags" they look at me in wonder thinking of the deprived childhood I had.

Tomorrow I will be "that mom" who doesn't have goody bags and her child's party. I hope to start a trend.

Life can be good in the dumps

The cake was fricken awesome! Thick and moist...yum! Maybe cakes are suppose to be airy and light? Hmmmm, does it really matter?
(no I'm not a cake decorator...never claimed to be)


(this is my four year old's piece of cake. Like any 4 year old he only appreciates icing)


My husband went to bed at 7:30 yesterday. Said it was the longest day of his life. He is no longer putting any money in his 401K and will up his deductions to 4. This should bring his salary back to 2006. Did I mention he is now only working 4 days a week? What makes me chuckle is this is what they want to do the county employees. Those people claim that they haven't had a raise in 3 years (yes they have had a cost of living adjustment, and they have something like 17 paid holidays!) and they refused this option. So what is the county doing? Raising all taxes and firing employees. Have fun with that. We are currently estatic with this option because the latter will probably bankrupt us.

I went walking with two neighbors yesterday and found out that two other husbands I know lost their jobs this week. I mentioned it to J to bolster his spirits. He in turn said he thinks we are entering into a depression, though not the "great depression" of the 30s.

I'm cancelling our gym membership ($90) per month today. At this point we can't handle that "hit" to our bank account and it is spring and I doubt we will use it. My neighbor is most likely cancelling her gym membership ($183 a month...yes she is crazy) and joining our pool with me as a reference so I will split my referral fee with her. That in turn will buy me a new bathing suit. Like the county employees I haven't had a new bathing suit in three years.

update

Whew. 2/3's were laid off. My husband is not one of them. His hours have been cut (along with pay) but he still has a job, paycheck and health insurance. Tonight is a night to celebrate along with my "baby" girl turning 10.

facebook.

I'm stalking.

The woman who got my job (which was the woman who had it before me, left to go to Nevada with her husband for work and found out there was NO work in that state and emailed the boss saying she was coming back and I get canned the next day) has a facebook page. An open facebook page. She has 3 friends and few posts. Of course I stalk it to see if I can get anymore insight on this injustice to me. It's called "wrongful termination". I don't get that since I live in a "at will" state, but come April if they deny my unemployment compensation I'd love to sue them. Obviously I'm still obsessed with this matter. I probably won't sue, but people tell me I have a case.

I'm seriously pissed at the mess at AIG. Enough said.

I'm not to pleased with Obama or his administration at this point either. Where is that "change" he promised. It seems like the same old, same old to me. I'm thinking Geithner needs to go b/c he is part of the "old-boy"(prick!) network. Rangel is another idiot, though we knew that before because he is a crook.

Have I mentioned I have my period. (and I'm making icing today, this could be bad)

Tuesday

I spoke to soon yesterday. My husband's company is having a round of layoff's today. He thinks he is safe and I hope he is right.

My boredom has increased. Tomorrow I go off to the gym to workoff the boredom for 2 hours.

My father has commanded the den as usual. In the meantime I have walked the dog and my child around the neighborhood, washed the dog, done laundry, cleaned the basement, cleaned the bathroom, grocery shopped, started dinner in the crockpot, let my baking supplies get to room temp so I can start the cake, trimmed all the ornamental grass, composted it, and played a round of webkinz. And I got my period.

The economy is in the tank and I seriously think we are in the early stages of a depression. I say this because the "experts" said we weren't in a recession last year and we were. I've applied to so many jobs I've lost count. I can't even get an interview for jobs that were written just for me. I just found out that two peers were let go from jobs they had over 20 years. Both men are the breadwinner and their wives have never worked outside the home since having children. They will never make the same money they were making either (actually they were making too much money for what they did) I count my blessings though because my husband still has his job.

Today I went to Walmart (my new favorite store) and bought iron-on patches for my boys' jeans. A $2.39 pack of patches is must cheaper than five (5) new pairs of levi's. I'm just hoping that the oldest (8) doesn't get teased. Actually the patches look quite cute.

Now my garden is going to be twice as large as was orginally planned. Since I am unemployed I have lots of free time to plan and cultivate it. I also have more time to cook natural meals. Tonight we are having homemade cheese and broccoli soup, bread and salad. It was super cheap and tastes much better than that canned crap that has about 40 different chemicals in it. I am going to try to bake (which I suck at) a homemade cake for my daughter's birthday this week. I made homemade icing a few weeks ago and it was a mess. This time I'm going with an old fashioned tried and true recipie. If it looks half decent I will post a picture. Hell if it looks crappy I will post a picture so I can laugh at my pathetic baking skills.

better

I started feeling better after I posted my feelings yesterday. I guess I need something to vent too. Weird isn't it?

I think I'm not fufilled anymore. I felt awesome when I was working full-time. Now I don't know what to do with myself. All I have is laundry, grocery shopping, composting, cooking, cleaning, moving furniture around and photography. The latter .... I take good pictures when I don't try and the ones I hem and haw about don't look good...eh.

Today I spent time moving the compost from the tumbler into a trash can for the garden. Sounds so boring. Actually I totally enjoyed myself. It was cold and brisk outside, the compost was a thick, black, chunky color. It was beautiful. I did learn the corn on the cob keeps it's form until you chop it with a shovel and sweet potatos take a really long time to break down. If someone had a tape they would of heard:

"who put dog shit in here" (it was the corn cobs)
"did we eat that much corn this summer?!!" (yes we did)
"what the f is that?! (potato(S))
"what the hell?!" (that was my loofah I threw in there and yes it did compost. It was still a rectangle, but much smaller. )

I should go to the grocery store, but I think I might do that thing where we have to eat all the food in the house first.

One last thought... I realized that I need to get out of here because I have watched Oprah two days in a row. Even my daughter looked at me and said "when did YOU start watching Oprah?" I wonder if she thinks less of me?

I. Can't. Take. It. Anymore.

Seriously I can't. I'm about to explode. My father is over here from 7:30 a.m until 4:30 or later every single day. Can't he come over later and leave earlier. I can't say anything, because that would be WWIII and would be worse than me exploding.

I can't watch tv because he has to watch the 100 shows he has dvr'd or the political shows that are on ALL day. We don't have a tv in our bedroom so that's not an option. If he's not watching tv he's following me around (sorta) and complaining about something . If he's not doing that I have to find some obscure thing on the internet so he can look at it. I just spent 15 minutes looking for a non existent corporate tax form for him.

There is only so much I can do out of the house. I want to be in my house alone!! He stays here until the kids come home. In that one hour of free time I cook dinner and then my husband is home. I love him dearly too, but even he is following me around with innane questions. (e.g. can we have sex tonight? Where is this, that or the other? Blah, blah, blah)

I am so stressed out. A couple of years ago my father went on a weeks vacation and it was heaven around here. (we take him on our vacations btw) This morning when he came in I could actually feel my stress level going up. I'm seriously considering working at a department store, coffee shop, the ymca .... anything to get out of my own house!

Since I have no job (still). I've been doing things around the house. I am still decorating (which involves moving things around. I bought cheap draperies to totally change a room around.. The family says I need a job "NOW" because this stuff is getting ridiculous.


I'm having a hard time getting any really good photographs lately. I blame it on graffiti terrorists. I refuse to call them artists. I don't understand their purpose. I know that in big cities it's some sort of gang thing., but I live in a nice suburb and even when I travel the back roads near the richy-rich people their tags are everywhere. Personally I think graffiti pricks and their parents should pay huge fines, clean up their mess and be put in jail. There was an article in the paper recently of some rich kid getting caught for the second time. His tag is all over our area. WTF are his parents doing allowing him out of the house? Why hasn't the bastard been forced to clean up his crap? Seriously...what are the repercussions. I almost went to court to see the asshole. Maybe a better punishment would be people going to THEIR house and spray painting crap all over it. This is a real sore point with me.

This is one of my spur of the moment photographs, because how often to you see this?

Still job searching. That is going nowhere as is my trail running. I'm waiting for the trails to clear up. At this time I can't see what the hell I'm running on. (e.g. rocks, sticks, dead animals)

I found out that all the kids at my house the other day had "THE BEST TIME EVER". Which is great. I'm glad, even though I bitched about it.

I forgot to mention my exciting Monday. This is the email I sent husband:

Well you missed all the excitement. Tommy is going to write a story about it.

I moved the leather chair in the den and low and behold there was a mouse underneath it. Smokey got it. I thought it was a toy mouse at first, then realizing it was real, I screamed my head off. Smokey spent a few minutes walking around with it. Then he dropped it and it ran under the large toy fire engine. The cats spent about 10 minutes trying to get it out. I spent a few minutes screaming when it did try to get it out. Felix finally got it. He proceeded to drop it on the floor and watch it run around. At this point I ran to the stairs. I realized he could follow me up the stairs. I decided the dining room chairs were a more safe place to sream. Felix and Smokey sauntered to the basement with their booty. Currently we have locked them down there.

I'm parched.

Your screaming wife.

Note: I still have not found the "body". I'm sure a tiny skeleton will pop up in the next few months. I'm hoping the boys will find it "totally awesome" and clean it up for me. That is the reason I had boys. To take care of these kind of problems.

the house

I have the house. The house where all the kids come. The house where all the kids eat ALL my food. I don't mind being "the house". I just don't like being "the house" ALL THE TIME. The kids had another snow day from school. My neighbor (who works FT) kid wanted to come and play. That is fine. She was dropped of at 8;30 this morning. Her father (who is a teacher and is also off) had errands to run. He called at 3:30 to pick her up. Who the fuck has errands to run for 7 hours?!!!! Total abuse of me. (which I allowed) He does this shit all the time. Once his wife went on a business trip and he dropped his daughter off at a friends house overnight so he could go to the casino. I don't think he gets it. They have an only child (which I get since I am one) but I have three kids. The middle child has two friends here so that means I have 6 kids here. It's like a damn daycare.

I think I'm just jealous because I can't imagine sitting in a house all alone, by myself. Sure I've had the house alone for maybe an hour, but that's it. Someone is always following me. It's either a kid, a dog, a cat, my father or my husband. My dream is going to a nice hotel room on a sparsely populated beach and reading book and book after book. I'll be lucky if it happens by the time I'm 70.

that's the vent of the day.