House Rules

1. Wear your jeans a minimum of 7 times.
a. Put "gently" used jeans back in your drawer, not on the floor.
2. When using towels after shower, they can be magically used again. Do not put towel in hamper or on your floor. Hang it up on the TOWEL BAR in the bathroom. It's that bar that is between the toilet and the sink.
3. Speaking of the toilet. Please flush. I don't care if it's #1 or #2. I don't want to see it, or much less smell it.
4. When taking off your socks. Do not leave them on the floor. Do not leave one sock in the bathroom and the other sock in the hallway. Our loveable dog still likes to eat socks. At times she can't digest them. On those occasions she will puke them up on our bedroom floor. If I don't wake up from the noise of said puking, I will step into said puke the next morning. That makes me unhappy.

TO BE CONTINUED........

the nerve

of a neighbor. So this neighbor calls our home this afternoon looking for Joe. I told him that he was at the library with the kids. Do you know that old man went to the library and looked for him!!! Joe was pissed (at me) for telling neighbor where he was. Actually neighbor asked me where Joe was. Seems neighbor needs Joe to drive to Home Depot and help him move some cabinets or some other crap to his home. Home Depot is a good half hour away in traffic. It is snowing like crazy here too. Of course my husband is driving neighbor to Home Depot to get cabinets. Joe is nice that way.

After our SUV dies, we aren't getting another one. Somehow I will get a 4 wheel drive vehicle that only seats 5 people. An SUV, but not a SUV, do they make those? A cross over vehicle, that's cool. I'd prefer a 4 door jeep at this point. That or Joe just has to start saying NO.

letter to my husband

I really feel like a broken record, but would you please STOP taking the nice liquor I buy for guests and treating your poker buddies to it? Yes, yes I don't drink much liquor, but there are times (rare) when I want a stiff one. And no, not your stiff one.

The neighborhood drunk basically finished off my WHOLE bottle of Tanqueray Gin (Rangpur). Yeah, not good. You thought it was ha, ha funny. I did not. The Absolute vodka is gone, and the fancy rum has maybe a 1/4 cup left. Let me tell you something here. I suggest you buy the stuff in the PLASTIC bottles for them. I think Gimbly's makes a decent Vodka. Better yet, take the plastic version and pour it in the Absolute bottle. Those guys wouldn't know the difference. No more of the $30+ bottle of the good stuff. Don't think I'm not onto you when you sneak the bottle back up here either. The Bombay Gin is halfway gone. Yes, it is expensive, but in all honesty tastes crappy. That doesn't mean I want those guys drinking it. I'll make a mixed martini or something with it.

Well now I know why poker night is so packed over here. Maybe I should start playing poker so I can drink the good stuff.

pauper living

Even though J and I are making good money (better money than we have ever made in the past) We are still living like it was 2009. Rather than buy new things I look for what we already have. Take for example, window treatments (curtains). The ones in our living room, went to the dining room and then I took the ones we had in our bedroom and moved them to the living room. I could afford to buy some nice ones (say at Pottery Barn or most likely Walmart), but why waste the money. I keep waiting for the ball to drop around here. Life can't be this good. I'm too used to struggling.

I still buy store brand rather than name brand. With the exception of the following; mayonaise, peanut butter, and yogurt. Even when we were struggling I would never buy store brand mayonaise. J would, but that shit doesn't fly. On my last shopping trip I bought Ponds cold cream. I had been using the cheapo brand for over a year. And, no it isn't the same thing, I checked. Washing my face in 10x more enjoyable now. Dove and crappy cold cream aren't the same as a good layer of Ponds. Mmmmm.

I had to go back to nice toilet paper in 2009. My father had a problem with the crappy, cheap brand. Though, honestly I think there was nothing else to bitch about that week, so toilet paper it was. I met him in the middle on that one.

I did treat myself to a haircut and color in 2009 (after I got the job) I get my haircut 2x a year so the color was more the treat. I must admit, it was worth it. She used two bottles of color and my hair looks awesome. Will I keep it up? I can't answer that. I should because that probably equals the yearly hunting expenses this family spends. I do have five ducks, and one goose in my freezer. I've never seen J eat his game. He must do it when I'm not around or worse, I am eating it and don't know it. Nah.

Updates and such

Work is going well. They don't like to hand out any type of compliments there and we have way too many meetings. I've gotton the ball rolling on same major monies that are due the company, and it seems nobody thinks much of it. Even the boss can't say "good job". At this point I don't care, because I am doing my very best. I still have a fear of getting fired, but that is going to stay with me for the next year.

Went out with our muscle bound friend last night. She knew the intervention was coming. We spoke our peace. She had an answer for everything. On the facebook, natzi video's that her trainer posts her answer is he likes the elite warriers. Shooting, gassing and murdering defenseless civilians makes one an elite fighting warrier? I mentioned this and her comeback was that we (the US) commited atrocities in war also. I didn't even want to get into the Massacre at Malmedy, Vietnam and more recent wars. Yes bad things happen in wars, but most are not state sanctioned. Ugh....see I'm arguing here.

So friend comes over my house before we head out and the first thing I see are bright white sneakers. I'm like "what the fuck are THOSE shoes?" She explains that all the young girls are wearing them (PUMA type weight lifting shoes) They were hideous. UGLY! I wouldn't be caught dead in them and I'm not a shoe fashionista. I'm sure her "jersey shore" loving trainer talked her into buying them. I had to run into the convience store before we all headed out and her natzi trainer was behind me. Damn. If I knew it was him I would of said something. Oh well.

Near the end of the night, we headed back to a bar close to home and my intervenion friend tried to set muscle friend with the bartender she knows. (into weight training, though not a natzi). I left to go home. Muscle friend asked the bartender (we'll call him John) if he watched "vids". He said no, what are vids? "Video's of people weight training." "No why would he watch that?" (good answer) Then she said "fist punch" to something she agreed with him on. (WTF?!) He said "no, but I will shake your hand." Who is this woman? Vid's, fist punch? Her trainer has waaaay to much influence on her life. At one point in the night I snagged her phone to see what she and him text to each other. Boring crap. Though a LOT of boring crap. I hate that guy!

My husband has no respect for my friend anymore. None. Actually I'm not sure she is allowed here anymore. He was furious with her response about the Natzi elites. I'm sure he will talk to me tonight about it.

FYI

I hate paper clips.

Battle shots

My battle shot has been ignored. Which led me and my friend (cat) to re-plan our intervention. Instead of tackling this head on we are going to be girls (not women) and drop sly comments all around.

I did ask my friend why she still needs a trainer and why she has to work out six, fucking (ok I left the fucking out) days a week. I thought she was training for a body building competition. No. She does all this so she can loose the fat on her upper thighs. Yep. It's all about her and a bikini. In all honesty, if she hasn't lost that fat yet it will never be lost. She doesn't have an ounce of fat above her thighs or below them. She has been at this for close to a year. She eats "clean." Unless she stops eating all together she is going to have thighs with some meat on them. We all have our issues. My friend that is a marathon runner has bigger thighs with some cellulite. You all know how lean marathoners are. It's just the way we are built, genetics and age.

This is a picture of her new Facebook friend.
Yep. She met her through her trainer and the gym-rat loser people. Should I even call them people?

I'm not sure how long I will leave that image up. I think it's gross. Actually I think the naked female body is beautiful. That is just plain old porn(ish).

What the hell has happened to my friend. Do all people who go through divorce go through this stage? It can't be possible.

Battle, War or Intervention

It's going to be one or the other. Friend and I set up a battle ready plan the other night about our friend who is obsessed with working out, eating clean, and her trainer. She is working out each and every night. When she can't dump her child off on her soon to be x, a parent, relative or friend she drags her kid with her to the gym. Thing is we can't get friend to meet with us, because of her work-out schedule.

I've mentioned that her trainer (mark) is a natzi and an idiot. I think I mentioned the latter. I will not post his SS video links here, but here is a bit of his facebook quotes...

it was so nice out today I had my eyes closed and whipped the throbber out and let it lead the way you should have seen all the milfs drewling u know they had to run home and rub the cookie.

I am a gift from the spartan gods for females of this planet to enjoy so take advantage ladys and enjoy.

ladys please have some hair down there neatly trimmed and send pics of your balloon knots.

Did I mention this moron is 39 fucking years old?!

So anyhow, I'm either going to get a nasty FaceBook post back or an angry phone call. Here is my Battle shot.

FACEBOOK WALL:
My good friend: Tonight AVATAR cant wait! Tomorrow seeking new and cheap fun....ideas, suggestions, join me anyone?

· Comment ·LikeUnlike · View Feedback (2)Hide Feedback (2)

Friend post: That is suppose t be an awesome movie. I'm sure Mark has some ideas for cheap fun! LOL


ME-Post: Heather, I think Mark's idea of fun is pulling his "throbber" out. Cheap yes, Fun? I doubt it.

I was going to add that SS video's and porn could be considered fun for Natzi's, but I thought that might be taking it a bit far.

That was me and that was me

I'm sitting here in my living room goofing off on the internet, (think people of walmart.com) and I see my neighbor run by. A minute later I see another neighbor run by. Damn. I love running in the cold. All that icey air running through your lungs cleaning them out. All I'm doing is sitting here in pj's, a Dunkin Donuts coffee and munchkins all nice and warm.

Hubby is on a camping trip with hundred's of boyscouts and I have my other two kids passed out in their beds. I also feel like St. Francis of Assisi with the animals laying at my feet.

Even if I'm not running right now life is good.

eh

I was going to post about fleas, frontline and flea bombs (IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER) but all you have to know is; we were infested, it's expensive and I've set one off.

I'm going through a parnoid stage about getting fired from my new job. I've asked my boss if he's happy with my performance so far. He said "yes". I'm over analyzing everything. I gave him a folder with all the taxes I computed and my view on giving 1099's to corporations and LLC's. He had a meeting with the CPA the next day (on this issue of 401K wording) and I haven't gotton the yellow folder back. Did I do something wrong? I haven't decorated my office with anything with the exception of three pictures (kids and dog). He emailed me the other day with the question "what is the max deferral?". I don't fucking know. I don't do corporate taxes or really know personal tax law. I told them that in the beginning. Hell, Turbo Tax is my friend.

I don't just do accounting. I'm the human resource manager also. The latter really doesn't interest me. Hence, the max deferral on 401k. The accounting was a mess when I got there. The original girl (who was good) just kind of quit doing much work. The books hadn't been "closed" since July. She seemed to butt heads with everyone. They ended up letting her go because she didn't want to be there FT. Though she wanted to be paid as a FTimer. In her emails she kept quoting Exempt laws.

The girl that beat out on the first interviews was paid 8k more than me (didn't have a college degree either) was there 4 days and fell down the stairs at home. Something about a cerebral hemotoma. Though none of the doctor's notes said that. She took off the next two weeks, then had to go back to the hospital because of an allergic reaction to Naproxen. (yeah right). They fired her and hired me. She was a piece of work. They had to pack up a big box of all her shit (hence, me having no shit in the office) She claimed she worked 26 hours from home (again, "yeah right"). She wanted a check when she came in because that is what our state labor laws say. I love how people know the laws so well. The boss gave me the wrong hours and her check was cut "short". She threw a fit and said "the labor laws.......blah, blah, blah her husband did the same thing. The boss was off. Payroll had been processed. Within the hour of her leaving (she tried to take the office keys, bank statements and roledex back - she had them at home - from my assistant b/c we didn't pay her the extra $179 net. My assistant said "no" and grabbed the company's property back. Within the hour the State Labor board called us about the law!!!! Seriously. When has any state agency worked that well. They just wanted us to give the bitch a check so they didn't have to open a case.

So, I've cleaned up most of the accounting issues. Paid past due state taxes. Organized the office so anyone can find anything (it seemed to have a secret organization system in place) and have put out little fires everywhere.

I blame my last job. They really pulled a number on me. My confidence is in the toilet. Even though I know I'm capable of anything, they fucked me up.

That is why I'm not bringing anything into the office that would fit in a box. My work life fit's in a legal sized envelope.

The end.

That mom

A dingbat. Definition: A weird thing, person or situation, a person considered stupid or foolish.

Yes sir that is me! Today I sent my 5 year old kindergartner in for pajamma day. It was scheduled for before Christmas Break, but you know what happens when your state has 2' of snow on a Saturday night. Yes, they have to cancel school the following Mon - Wed. The roads were quite clear those days, but hey, that's our school district. Anyhow....

I get an email Monday saying pajamma day was re-scheduled for Thursday. My fifth grader's PJ day was the same day. So, I make my son put on his "nice" pajamma's that night (with clean underwear). The next morning I put his sneakers on while he is still sleeping and go to work. (My father gets them on the bus) I come home and David informs me it wasn't pajamma day. What? Of course it was. It said Thursday! I recheck the email .... Thursday, January 21st. Why are you sending the email 2 weeks ahead of time? I don't plan that far in advance. Geez. David also informs me that his pants were wet this same morning, but they dried before school. Great. He smelled like pee too.

Earlier this year, all the kindergarten parents went to school to take a reading program. I've done the program before with my daughter. I've been there and done that. My husband didn't want to go (again, been there, done that, why do it again) So I get to the school and there are all these kids there. I thought it was the school's day care. I see David's teacher and asked "should I of brought David?" She looks at me (as one would look at a dingbat) and says "uh, yes". "oh, well he's passed out at home" I say. Which is the God's honest truth. Soooo, what the hell, I'm there might as well stay. We do a talk and exercise in the gym, with no children (geez, it is the same stupid program!) and then go off into the classrooms (WITH OUR CHILDREN) I get to the classroom first, because I have no child (remember he's passed out at home) I tell the teacher (in a funny ha-ha way) "Hi, I forgot my son" She looks at me (like one would look at a dingbat) and says "I Heard". Yes the idiot mom is here. Needless to say I snuck out and went home.

This year we (no, my husband) lost David's school folder. The one with all those word wall words, in it. The teacher took a LOT of time putting that together. I searched everywhere for it. Finally had to admit I lost it. She made a new one. I'm sure I was the talk of the teacher's lounge. A month later I found the folder in the telephone book drawer UNDER the telephone book. I'm lucky I found it, because I never use the phone book. Who does? My husband, in one of his Marine Corp clean-ups put it there. Why? Because that is where school folder belongs. UNDER the phone book.

Let me tell you. You would never find the Cabela's (all hunting stuff) catolog in the phone book drawer. Noooo. That book is either in the bathroom, my bedroom dresser (not his!) the kitchen, den, dining or living room.

OMG 2

Dear God. I knew this would happen. The other day I threw away two things. I should of gone outside and thrown them away in the actual garbage cans the garbage men take. I was too lazy to do that because then I would have to haul out the inside garbage to cover what I wanted to leave the house.

My father. God Bless Him. Nothing should be thrown away. Broken toys should be kept. We can always duct tape them. Seriously.

I tried to throw away a tin of chinese checkers, american checkers and chess pieces. The tin has a board on each side. The tin is missing all the marbles with the exception of 2 for the chinese checkers. It is missing about 12 of the US checkers and has maybe one chess piece left. The tin probably cost in the range of $10. I chucked it. What use is this tin and misc pieces? I also chucked a free vinyl purse I got with a perfume purchase 15 years ago. It had a petrified junior mint on the bottom inside. Trust me, I got the use out of this vinyl bag. Though it had worn out it's welcome. We have waaaay too many bags in this house.

Soooo, yesterday I find the game tin and my "purse" laying next to trash can. WTF? My father must of thought I'd lost my mind throwing such good things away. Yep, Had to go outside and hide these items in the outside trash can under stinky trash.

My husband swears I had a sex dream last night. He woke me up thinking I wanted a little something. Note to husband: Never. Ever. Wake. Me. Up at 12 a.m. (unless the house is on fire) I don't recall any sex dream either.

Monday complaints

I wish my father would find a way to get his free samples from his doctor instead of me trying to locate them on the internet. It's a pain in the ass!

When I leave the morning the house is clean. When I get back the following has happened:

Everything under the sink has been removed because there "might" have been a leak.
The dishwasher has been emptied and lots of it is just laying around the countertops. DON"T empty it then!
The den has a fort in it.
My aloe vera plant that is on an end table is now laying on the couch on it's side.
Any toy that was put away is laying willy-nilly on the den floor.
My father has spilled a liquid and has walked in it 1,521 times with his hiking boots. My kitchen floor is black.
Every newspaper we get is strewn accross the lower level of our home.

On a personal level I have to complain about the following:

My closest friend is now an exercise, body dysmorphic crazy lady. She eats clean (which is all good) but spends way too much time at the gym. Time she should be spending with her daughter. (that's a story that is too long to post) Her trainer is a certified, white trash, natzi loving, racist. Did I mention my friend works for a non-profit whose motto is "Eliminating racism......." She is the 3rd highest in the totem pole. She see's nothing wrong with this loser facebook page. He's not like that, he's just interested in the World War II. My husband is interested in WWII. He doesn't glamorize the enemy and their agenda. My husband can also spell the word Palestine. This ass spells it Palestein. Yes, it took him 6 years to graduate high school. He wears Ed Hardy douchwear, talks about girls giving him blowjobs and juicing his "muscle" with their.....oh you get it. He's 39 also. My 9 year old son is more mature. I just can't wrap my mind around why she is still training with this guy. I honestly don't know why she is still paying for training when she is broke and knows what she is doing in the gym.

Regarding the new job. The girl (2 before me) kinda just stopped doing work. Today I found a credit card statement from June that was never entered. Whenever I feel caught up something comes out of nowhere and I have to stop and put the fire out. It's crazy, but I love it.

Oh, the good news

I forgot all about it. I got a job! Long story, but the girl they hired before me (the one that beat me out on the job interview) well she didn't work out. I am working out perfectly. The accounting is a mess. I started in December and the last bank statement was reconciled in June.

Anyhow, though it's a hard job and I should be paid more than I am making....we can finally get out of debt from the last year. That's the bad news, because I added it up the other day. Ugh. Oh and I .....scratch that....a deer ran in front of my SUV a few weeks ago. Just add the deductible to my debt pile.

things I hate

I could write about all the good in my life, but that is just boring. I'd prefer to bitch. One of the things I hate with a passion is grocery shopping. Hate it. Last week I went to the store and forgot the cloth bags. I felt discusting when I was loading all those petroleum bags into my car. I don't know how people do it.

I went again today to get everything needed for school, which I guess the entire state was doing also. I hate crowds by the way. I think I might have a form of claustraphopia. People that stand in front of the food (e.g. cookies) and don't move. How hard of decision is it to pick out cookies? This is the same with any type of food. Some guy couldn't make a decision on sour cream. What the fuck? At one point I was in an aisle with a vendor loading her cookies, a family of 20 (well it seemed like 20 because they were all over the place. It probably was a family of 4) and two other single shoppers. I lost the other shoppers in the next aisle, but could not shake of the family. Do you ever just want to run someone over with your cart? The mother just dawdled, the father was bored and the two girls were on my nerves, just by being there. I'm sure I'm on people's nerves when I have all my kids at the market. I don't even want to get started on how loud we all are. Let's just say everyone knows David's name by the time we leave.