Where's there's good there is Bad

The scale sucks. 148. That is 4lbs in 2 days. I did go for a run. Did my little walk in the same place as the other day. Just 4 steps in this neighborhood that I hate running in. Nice homes, but I guess no one there can afford to plant a decent tree b/c they are mortgaged up to their ass. It is the most boring, flat cookie cutter neighborhood. The good news....I cut my time to 29.02 minutes. Did my sprint at the end (b/c that is what you do in a 5k). Walked about a mile afterwards. One reason I cut my time is b/c I did not stash a water bottle on my route, so no time to walk to drink. After showering I went in the clothing stash way up high in my closet and found an old pair of shorts that didn't fit in April (yea!) I even found an old size 8 Gap skirt. If i wear a girdle (ugh .... so my mother) it will fit me. (ha!)

Just found out dh won't be camping w/us Thursday night. That means I have to deal with 3 kids (well the baby will be the pain in the ass) Set-up the tent and all the crap that comes with it. Get the Tahoe ready for surf fishing.....ahhh shit... that means I have to get bait and actually pretend to fish. If you aren't actually fishing they'll kick you off the beach. Maybe I'll just cast with a sinker...yeah that sounds better. He'll be down Friday, Saturday morning at work and down again Saturday night. I'm starting to think the baby might be better off at home w/Grand Dad. He's a great kid, but will not sleep in the car or a pack n play. Will only sleep in a crib (his crib....no one elses')

Last year when we went camping I remember seeing all the athletic people walking, running and biking all the state trails and thinking "you assholes, can't you take a break while on vacation?" Well guess who the asshole is this year? I can't wait to run some of those trails...boy things sure have changed.

Yeck

Ok. What is happening to me. I've finally realized my goal and have been eating like crap these past three days. I'd better turn around tomorrow b/c I have to get weighed again on Wednesday b/c we are going on vacation Thursday. Maybe there's a WW center near the beach. Oh hell, I'll never go while I'm down there.

Went to party yesterday. It took over 2 hours to get too. I ate pretty good (for about 2 hours). Usually when I'm at parties I go right back into Atkins mode. No bread and all protein. I need to stop getting those Mike's hard lime drinks. Back to good 'ole Miller lites. Those Mikes really hit hard. Before we left I ate a brownie (with icing) then on the way home the carb coma hit and I got coffee (which burned the roof of my mouth and it sucked) and of course I had to p/u cinnobons. I got six little ones. The kiddies had 4, dh had 2/3 and I had 1 1/3.

If any 20's are reading this blog I have so huge advice for you.........................quit laying out in the sun!!! I pretty much quit when I was around 25/26 and so thankful for it. You will really notice it when you get near your 40's. Everyone at the party who tans or works outside alot looked so old. They (men and women) all have deep crows feet around their eyes. Ugh. I kept looking at my eyes in the mirror on the way home. I said something to dh and he was like "you're years younger than any of them" No we are all the same age!!!! He was shocked. I haven't seen this girl Ellen in years and she looked about 47. So many lines around her eyes and face. Ugh. Maybe some of it's genetics on my part, I have no stretch marks to speak of after three children (gained 60lbs on 1, 50+ on #2 and about 40 on #3) and no real scar tissue from 3 c-sections. Something about collagen (sp). Well at least that's whay the obgyn told me. If you need to get tan spray the tan on. It's amazing how bad these tan people look when they are older.

Today is crappy so far....oatmeal, those goddam stupid donut holes, tuna w/cream cheese and too much stinkin mayo. Only two glasses of water so far. I weighed 148 this morning too. Fuck me! That could be the Mikes. For some strange reason when we got home last night my feet were swollen. WTF is up with that? Well I'm going to start chugging water and definately try to go for a run tonight if it doesn't rain. Dinner will be veggie burger and veggies.

Oh, and I'm about sick of smoking (and my stomach fat)

later that night

Ugh. The neighbor and I took our kids to the local burger joint. Of course I had this chicken sandwhich smothered in cheddar cheese and white bread. I only ate half. Then treated myself to 1/2 a malted milkshake. Brought the rest home to dh. Felt guilty when I got home and decided I either needed a run or a cig. Really didn't want a smoke, so put on the running sneakers, got the Ipod and tried to beat yesterdays time. Started out good. Hit my stride around 5min. Oh, around 12 min the milkshake and my body started arguing. I'm thinking it went something like "hey assholes she's running, you have got to go" then the metobolism starts beating the shit out of the milkshake fat trying to stick on my stomach fat cells. This little fight went on until about 16 min. (good news I hit the 15 min mark around 13 min)

I walked a few steps when I got my hidden water bottle, then again when I dumped half of the bottle over my head (high humidity) and realized it was seeping into my ears where my Ipod was still jamming. Yanked that out (can you get zapped when that happens?) Then I did a true walk with 1/4 mile to go b/c I was pooped. Talked myself out of being a loser and ran to the end of the route. Cut 1.30 min off yesterday's time.

My stomach is still discustingly fat.

GOAL

Ha! Weight at WW was 144!. I made goal. Yes!!! So excited. I treated myself to a dunkachino and 1/2 a donut after getting weighed. Today is technically my cheat day, but I actually need to do that tomorrow b/c I have an adult b-day party that is going to have tons of Italian food. I lost 2.4 lbs in one week. The week before I lost 1.6. I think that's it for losing for awhile. I can't imagine being able to lose anymore for the next few weeks. Damn I can't believe I did it. It was hard & rewarding work. I feel so good. I am 10lbs+ heavier than I was on my wedding day, but I feel (and I think) look so much better.

I was reading other blogs last night. One blog lexysmash the girl lost a ton of weight and was running alot and when she quit running (does Yoga, Birkham and biking) she has put on 20lbs. That scares the shit out of me. I worked so hard to get here and feel so good that I have arrived. I can't imagine gaining back all what I lost. The real test will be this winter when it's dark and miserable outside. I need to keep up with the gym & running and motivating myself. I do have a dress I would love to wear on New Years Eve. My goal is to fit into it by then. Need to stop the Super pullover at the gym b/c I need to get my back smaller.

Went running last night. Did a 5k in 33 minutes. Next week since I won't have a running partner I wonder if I will do it faster. There were times last night where I could of run faster, but slowed my stride to stay with her. I'm wondering if I could run 4 miles w/out walking.

Did you ever notice that there are people out there that will not acknowledge that you lost weight? Are they so self absorbed in their own life or are they jealous of you? I have one neighbor who has never once said "have you lost weight?" "you look so good." One of her friends and her were at a dance recital and the friend was like "wow, you look great" my neighbor didn't say a word. Now it's not that I need to hear how great I look, but she is the only one that hasn't said a word about it. She is a lot thinner than me, but it's all fat thin, no muscle tone. Why do I care? That is the big question.

I'm going to kill my 4 yr old son too. Yesterday he decided to paint on the new carpet in the playroom. Why he didn't use the easel or the concrete floor, or the table we will never know. I wasn't mad at first (i thought it was kids paint) then I realized they used that ACMoore craft paint we bought so they could paint birdhouses. God I was soooo pissed. I bought the carpet w/our tax refund ($450), it's barely 6 months old and it is all fucked up. We keep trying to get the stain up w/"oops" or whatever that product is, but it won't come up. Well the boy lost all his Thomas trains...I would love to give them to the baby, but that seems..... well not right. Argh just thinking about it pisses me off.

Question of the day..........is there only one person missing in the whole world? By watching Fox, msnbc, cnn you would think Natalee (it's should be spelled Natalie!!!!) Holloway is the only girl missing in the entire world. Well Fox, msbc and cnn there is a pregnant, mother missing in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She has been missing for 10 or so days. Her name is LaToyia Fiqueroa and she is 5 months pregnant with a 7 year old. Gee why isn't she getting press? I'm gathering her last name/race are playing a huge roll in it. No one seems to care if you are a minority and missing. Just pretty white girls get the press. (i am a white girl too)

still kicking

I'm not dead. I didn't run. It was the hottest day ever and we were still going to attempt a slow run, but then the storms came in (yea!) It was wild. It got even hotter, you could barely breathe and then huge thunder, lightning storms came in for a couple of hours. Today is perfect for a total run. We decided at 9:00 am that we are going to full out run 3.1 miles (thank you google pedometer) and fast walk the last 2 miles. K is going on vacation for a week and I leave mid-week to go camping, so we need to do an all out tonight and then run on our own for over a week.

I did legs, stomach and 20 min eliptical hill, level 7. I hate that machine. I keep looking over at the treadmill wishing I was there. I need to keep doing it for 2 more weeks b/c I really think I tricked my body into shedding another 1.5 lbs. I even got on the gym scale, which is in the manly weight room and weighed myself (something unheard of in March) I was a little over 144. Ha! This last weight loss has to be from the change in cardio. I haven't been eating all that great lately. I've been doing some stupid snacking these last few nights (swiss cheese, goldfish and a little chocolate) I hope this weight stays the same and that the snacking doesn't show it's face on the WW scale tomorrow.

Another weird thing going on in my life...I've been doing a lot of cleaning lately. Yesterday I decided our main bathroom stunk and I vaccummed the floor, got on my hands and knees, cleaned it, then got the toothbrush out and cleaned the grout. This is actually phase 2 of cleaning this bathroom. The stench was actually a towel which must of been washed with the Bona Kemi rags and discusting kids bathing suits that were found in a plastic bag a week after they were used. I ended watching most of the clothes again in about a gallon of vinegar and baking soda. I painted our room last week, and did another crazy cleaning in that room also. The week I get my period I am so fricken productive....what is up with that? Maybe I have PMS manic depressive syndrome....the week before I can't do much of anything (chicken nugget, hot dog, pizza, mac n cheese week for the kids and maybe 2 loads of laundry) and the following week I've done about 10 loads of laundry, paid the past-past due bills, painted a room, super cleaned etc.....I don't get it.

Question of the day...no rant today
Why do people wear shoes that don't fit them? Do they like having their heel hanging a inch over the bottom of their shoes and/or their toes over the edge of the front?

145 !

145! Whoa. Got on the scale, rubbed my eyes twice and that is where it was!! 145! I was/am quite excited...it might jump back up b/c we know how this is...scale shows a wonderful number as a teaser, goes back to your old weight for a couple of weeks and completly fucks with you. I am shocked! I'm beginning to wonder if my neighbor is on to something. I just started that whole eliptical thing last Thursday and i've dropped over a pound. He may be right that my body was getting used to my same old treadmill routine. Well if the scale stays at this till friday I'll be so happy.

My running partner is itching to go today. God it is so fricken hot out there! I want to run also. If people were running last night and Monday night I think it's ok to go today. I guess we will take it easy.

Still not smoking in the car. Actually it's been pretty easy to cut that out. I did have a pissy morning at the dealership getting my car worked on so I went out a smoked there (while waiting close to 2 hours for the damn shuttle)

If I never post to this blog again, I died while running.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

So far so good. No breakfast before gym. Needed to burn up any extra carbs lying around. Did my legs, skipped arms and stomach and stuck to 20 min hill elipitcal at level 7 and 10 min sprints on the treadmill at 4.1 & 8.0. I saw some flat stomached girl doing a ton of stomach exercises and maybe I made a mistake dropping them to do sprints, but since I didn't run last night that is what happens.

Have not had a smoke in the car yet. Actually the hardest part of that is right when I get in the car. Once I'm driving I really haven't been jonesing for one. I have cut 5 cigs out of my day. The real test is going to be Saturday when I have to drive to North Jersey for a birthday party. Can I make an exception to the rule there? I'm going to try not to. I'll feel so much better if I don't cave in.

Feel good today. Scale was about 146ish this morning. Ate pretty well (yogurt/bannana/flax seed w/almond extract shake, chicken salad on wheat, pretzels, 1/2 appple and 2 mini 3 musketeer bars. ) Those WW bars are too fricken expensive. I hate gross/gouge profit margin. Some girls get a couple boxes of those and the shakes! To make your own shake is so much cheaper and healthier. God only knows what chemicals are listed on that box. Organic yogurt, bannana, almond extract and organic flax seed are so much healthier than whatever is in that box. I'm into labels right now. I wish we could have a garden in our yard. We have a lovely black walnut tree that grows the most beautiful grass you have ever seen. Veggies.....well it kills them. We have lined the garden and they still die. It sucks. To take the tree down would cost $$$ and that is in short supply at the moment. Our Sugar Maple (God, it was the most beautiful tree in the world) got verticllium (sp) or maple wilt disease. We are sooo bummed. (as are all the neighbors) That has to come down soon. Of all the trees to die (the oak, walnut, locust, pine of course they are thriving) it had to be the maple. I was going to tap it next year for maple syrup....I guess I'll have to plant another one and wait 30 years.

I've also noticed that OLD NAVY is completly wrong with their clothing labels. I have a size 10 skirt that does not fit anymore. It's HUGE. I have a size 13 junior skirt that is huge also (got it after I had the baby last year) but that is to be expected. My neighbor swears she is a size 10, but she must be shopping at Old Navy, b/c there is no way she would fit in my 10 levis. Just my little rant for the day.

Weight Watchers

This weekend I ran into people who started Weight Watchers with me or on their own about the same time I started. Girl #1 quit and was heavier than ever, Girl #2 doesn't look like she has lost any weight and the girl who did it on her own is again heavier than ever. Girl #3 commented on how good I looked and said she lost 3lbs last week from moving b/c she hasn't eaten much. I feel like screaming "your gonna double your pounds in the next couple weeks". I've been there (this is my third attempt to lose weight) and finally I am so motivated I'm sticking with it. I believe the exercise is the key for me.

On a bad note....I found this blog (which I should link to this one) in which the chick smokes like me. Well she posted this study which basically says I have 5x greater risk of a heart attack from running than a non-smoker. Fuck! The more you smoke the greater the risk. Double Fuck. I knew I had a greater risk, but now it's in writing. I need to quit! Where do I start? Mentally i'm close, but not ready. I think I'm going to start my non-smoking thingy tomorrow. Cut down first. No smokes in the car. Period. That's it. One week of that....get the habit out of the way. Shit, my heart feels funny now. I'm paranoid.....dammit, shit, crap....it is so fricken hot here! I hate this weather......gotta turn on the AC before I melt....

Ok, I'm back. My running partner just called. We aren't going. First it's to fuckin hot, and with my smoking and her high blood pressure we figured it was better to take a day off. Her husband and my husband have real problems with us running in this weather. We went Saturday & Sunday so I guess missing our normal Monday is OK.

Went to Costco instead. Love that store. Of course on the way back I see two runners and about five walkers. I was then itching to go, but instead sat on my ass and watched the Simpsons. Just like this time last year.

Gym tomorrow. Actually the weather is going to be worse Tuesday than it was today. I'm gonna double work my muscles for missing today. The baby likes to grab my rolls....maybe this time next year there won't be rolls or stinking clothes.

Mike's hard lime

God I love this stuff. Party yesterday was amazing. The guy must of dropped a couple grand on it. They had a huge rented double slide for the kids, an in-ground pool and food that would feed an army. Alcohol for that matter too. I now bring my own b/c I hate keg beer, but I ended up with margarita's for most of the day. Actually it's quite nice to have a baby b/c that's our excuse to get out. If we didn't have the little one I would of been quite hungover this morning. Came home and with a little buzz I managed to finish painting our bedroom. It's looks like a cup of cappachino (sp) or mud. I'm tired of seeing beige in everyone's house. I'm going for a change. Now dh wants crown moldings, to rip up all the trim and replace with much thicker trim like a farm house. I'm going to paint/distress my furniture when I quit smoking. One of my many projects I have in mind. I'll list them later for my own reference. Funny thing at the party, I was smoking outside and when we left all the smokers were quarantined in the driveway. Weird, I wonder if I was breaking the rules?

I've been eating crappy today! Yesterday I was good...have noooo idea why. So far I've had raisen bran (sick of bran buds and oatmeal)3 slices of pizza (damn kids b-day parties, veggie patty (yeck) and carrots. Must be my period. Weight 148, probably be 151 tomorrow. Back to the ole journalizing and lots of protein and veggies. What fun!!!!!!!

Went on a run. The weather is too good to pass up. We knocked off our .5 mile begin walk. We didn't walk at all the whole time. YeS! We also didn't do the whole 4.5 mile route b/c the end part of the route is all hills (big hills). But it is a start. I figure it was close to 3 miles. I would of liked to have gone at a faster pace...but we have to start somewhere. Tomorrow the humidity is back (bitch!) so it's walk/run....anyhow tomorrow will be the third day in a row of running. Don't want to go back to injury land.

July 23rd

Walk/Run 4.5 miles this am. Increased runs again, did sprints. Feel pretty good. Did it in under an hour. Well a couple min of that was getting my dog to quit following us. All in all pretty good for the intense heat and humidity. My partner didn't need to walk that early on. We passed a huge group of cyclists so we ended up increasing the runs b/c we didn't want to look like losers. Really need to cut down on first .5 mile walk. That has to go b/c you can't do that in a 5K.

Another party today. Ok I'm sick of parties. The little gathering I had here last night was good. I made chicken/grape wheat wraps and apple salad. My neighbor brought ham and asparagus wraps, hummus, cukes and pita. Not to bad. Of course I don't use non/lowfat mayo on my stuff, so that didn't help. I can't stand nonfat mayo...yeck. The Mikes and beer probably wasn't good for the diet, but yesterday was my cheat day. I need to start journalizing again. Once you get away from it, it's tough to get back into it. Jeez I only have 1.6 lbs to go. No time to slack now.

Little rant......I am so damn sick of these terrorists. They piss me off! Now they've attacked Egypt (a fantastic place that I visited in the late 80's) What dicks. Why aren't the Muslims (good ones) getting up in arms about these assholes? I mean they are killing their own people (and children!!!!) What is their problem. Why aren't they fighting back and issuing fatiwas or whatever it is they do. Why haven't they turned the head assholes in? God they piss me off. I read the NY times everyday and somedays I can't even finish the articles b/c I'm so mad. Don't even get me started on Darfur. Those bastards.....That whole scene really gets my blood boiling. Why the fuck aren't we over there bombing/killing those bastards? They deserve it more than Saddam H! This whole situation is so f'd up. I gotta give it to the british though....they are a strong people. Not like the Spanish who just gave up. Though it was nice excuse for them to get out of the war. I hate this war. I have a feeling my 4 yr old will be doing a tour over there...John McCain says will be over there for at least the next 15 years. The Bush administration says the throes of the insurgency are ending....then the next day, Dickhead number #3 explained that throes could go up the 5 years. What? Keep asking your stupid rhetorical questions you jerk. Hey did I mention I just got my period? I'm such a bitch. Might run again tomorrw to sweat the negative out of my system.

HOT!

146.4. HA! 1.6 more to go. Not to shabby.

Dammit it is so hot! Didn't get off for a morning run:( Well I'll get the run tomorrow morning (if it's not raining----ARGH!!!) This weather is horrible. My first comment on my blog!!! Yes I would love to have a treadmill. Several problems with that idea.

Placement - only two places to put it...the bedroom (ends up being a hanger) and the kids playroom (ends up flinging them across the room or somehow cutting a finger off, or poking an eye out...don't ask me how, but they will figure a way to do it and we'll be at the hospital)

Husband - he'll get all pissy about it. I can see it now--"what do I get? I want a new gun, you have a health club membership, lets go to Cabela's, I want a new fishing rod, 20 aren't enough," blah, blah, blah. Actually he is so supportive of all this. Even watches my running partner's kid while we pound the pavement.

Voyourism - The kids will watch me, the hubby will watch me and I'll get pissed off. I can stop the kids watching me, but I can just see dh sitting there w/smart comments. Actually it will probably get old for all of them....I don't see myself sticking with it. One thing with the gym or outside, I'm away from everything and I can concentrate on me. Also the treadmill is not real running. I love doing it at the gym, but actually running on pavement is harder and .... I don't know, gets you that high. An idea i've really thought out before.

Read an article today about this lady that decided to quit smoking, started walking, running and has just finished running a marathon in every state. Nice goal...she started in Hawaii. I might have to copy that.

Ah well, party at my house tonight.

Boring

146 this am. Nice. Let's hope I can keep it there for weigh day tomorrow. No high sodium tonight.

Switched the routine around. Did the eliptical machine on advice from my neighbor. I like the sprint interval in the treadmill much better. I'm going to stick to the eliptical for about a month. I was working different muscles with it. Can't hurt. I picked up the medicine ball too while I was there. Felt like a huge dope. What are you supposed to do with it? It wasn't even heavy. My neighbor uses it for her flat stomach, but I just don't get it.

God I hope the 146 stays until tomorrow! My period is due tomorrow also and I'm going to be quite the pissed of woman if my weight jumps up to 148. That'll be 3 weeks at the same weight. I'm debating on going for a run tomorrow before WW. Friday's (and Sunday's) are usually a day off from the whole workout routine. If I can get out running at 8:00 then I'll do it.

A couple of things that suck about dieting/exercising during the summer months is;

so many parties that we are invited too. All that yummy bad food, wine, beer, slushies etc that I am tempted by. I've learned to have just one. On deserts I eat half and throw the rest away. No more than 4 (ok maybe 5 beers)

The heat. It is killing me! Running in this weather is horrible. Yesterday was no (supposedly) humidity and it still sucked. You can barely breathe. I'm looking forward to fall.

Well at least the gym is pretty empty. Tuesday and Thursdays are best. Mondays are packed.

Bible school calls. (where else can you have someone entertain your kids for 2.5 hours a dayfor 5 days for $10 per kid!) I think my dd is going to be a evangelical. She loves God and Jesus. I'm glad she's getting so much out of it. DS just loves to play.

Ciao!

Mind - YES Body - NO!!!!!

I've been thinking of my run almost all day. After getting home, dealing with a trashed house (why is that) dealing with three children (6, 4.5 and 16 months) getting dinner ready, trying to clean up, get two of them off to bible school I was itching to get out there and run like the wind. I should of known on the walk that it wasn't meant to be. By the time I got to the run, shin splints set in immediately (i haven't had those in months!) Pushing a jogging stroller sucks ass too. Well I ran, added distance to some runs, cut the sprints and cut about 1 mile off the whole route. By the time I got in the house sweat was pouring off every gland in my body. Why is it my mind would love to run and my body doesn't (or vice versa for that matter) When mind and body are in sync it's just amazing.

Well I got out there for 45 min and pounded pavement. Too bad I can't fart the pounds away...i would of dropped about 5lbs today.

Well time to play with the baby (he's just too fricken cute!)

A tumor?

Ok, I'm totally obsessed. It's got to be a tumor in my stomach. I just took a picture and it is discusting and unreal..... Ok who cares. The first picture is me sucking my stomach in and the second is my stomach normally! See the whole middle section is totally fucked up. What is going on? Now you see why I'm obesessed. Thank God I have big boobs at least they come in the room first. Well looking at picture #2 I'd better wear cleavage more often. Ugh I AM SO GROSS. I've only lost 1inch or more in my middle too. Where the hell did I lose the 15lbs? Heck my legs don't even look good in this picture. My arms look fat too. What is with my ass, it looks so damm large. Maybe it's the shorts, they are tiny. I don't wear them out. Is it my period? What is wrong with this mirror? I'm keeping this ugly picture here. I don't have high cholesteral, diabetes, what is in my stomach? Yeck, yeck, yeck. I have a beer belly? I don't even drink much beer? I look friggin pregnant! The baby is 16 months old! ARGHHHHHHH

Looking better

I got to exercise today. I feel so much better now. I weighed 149 this morning (that sucks) but I worked out my crappy behavior at the gym. I just did legs, stomach and some sprints. Was done in 1 hour, but I feel so much better. I pulled that left calf muscle again. (even after some stretching) I'm going to really stretch it out tonight so I can run tomorrow. I love exercising in the morning. First it gets it out of the way, and second I can still feel it with me 3 hours later. It's just amazing. My body feels so alive right now. I always eat so healthy after morning workouts. So far I've had: carrots, 3 glasses of water, bran buds w/skim, 1 hardboiled egg and a sliver of chocolate cake (i'm getting my period man....need that) I have an apple and yogurt, flax-bananna-peanut butter shake waiting for 3:00 pm.

My neighbor told me a 20 min routine to do on the elipitcal (sp) machine. I'm going to try it later this week. I need to get away from the sprint routine and mix things up. My stomach is still fucking huge. (like it would suddenly be flat in a matter of days) I'm obsessed with it. I have to take pics of it and post them here. It's unreal. I keep ranting about it, but I just don't get it....I eat dairy (which studies show slims the waist) I workout like crazy. My legs, hips have no fat on them, my arms are definately thinner and becoming cut, my boobs are not as full, went from a 38-36 on bust line also. Today at the gym I really noticed my face is so much slimmer. One person told me he noticed the weightloss in my face, but it really hit me this morning.

Another good thing happened today...i'm actuall psyching myself up for quitting smoking. A month ago I wouldn't of imagined quitting, but i'm starting to believe I can. I already have so home projects in mind to keep my mind off smoking. I've tried to quit before, but never made it 2 days w/out one. I need to research this whole thing more. Do I do the patch, gum, take a class? What works best? I have no idea. Well I'll keep thinking about it.

The weekend

All in all a not so good weekend. I went running on Saturday. Started out on my 5k test route, it started raining (which felt great) and then the thunder came. Well I didn't feel like getting struck that day (my luck I would have) so I turned around. I made myself insert 2 sprints into the final mile. No walking since I turned around. All in all I did 2.1 miles in about 20 minutes. By the time I got home and out of the shower it was sunny again. I hate this humid crappy weather. It did rain again an hour later.

Sunday we went to a birthday party and somehow I must of carbed out. (the Mikes hard lime probably didn't help) anyhow I came home and passed out. Ate crappy the rest of the night. My period must be coming or something. I weighed 146 on Saturday and 153 on Sunday night. What!!!!!! This morning I was 148+. It pisses me off that I have a few beers Saturday night and Sunday, some potato salad(1TBS) and cake (that was probably the carb overload) and I put on all this weight. Now I will work all week trying to get down to 146 again.

Today it's super humid and probably 96 outside (feels like 103 - or so says accuweather) I'm debating on running. Even walking is hard in this weather. I started painting our bedroom, so I might just work on that tonight and do the gym tomorrow, wed and thursday.

I'm just getting frustrated about how long this weight is taking to come off. Once I get to 140 I'm quitting smoking. I was hoping it would be after Labor Day, but the way it looks it might be January 2006. This is not my day. I need a better attitude tomorrow.

Ok, I know why swimming is not good for weight loss. I'm fricken starving!! I had my lunch at 10:40, my lousy WW bar at 11:30 and an apple at 2:00. If I weren't so lazy (or obsessed about the damn scale) I would get in my car and drive to subway and get a sub. I'm famished. I would never last on that show Survivor. Jeesh.

BTW this blog of mine sucks. I'm checking out other peoples and they have all these cute pictures, stats etc crap on them. How do they do that? I could put a picture of me up there, but with my luck one of my nasty neighbors would see it (now I could blog about the nasty neighborhood ladies...whew that would get a lot of action...b/c trust me we have some NASTY psycho neighbors) Yeah, that is the last thing I want...for the head bitch to see this. Seriously sometimes I feel like i'm still in high school with some of the neighborhood crap that goes on. I wish some of them would grow up.

I was originally going to post this under the Weight Watchers web ring...but I think that is out now. First my language is horrible, (fuck is my favorite word) this blog is more about my exercise goals and where that is taking me. Most of the WW webblogs are about 200lb women losing 100 lbs (which is so admirable....I can't even imagine) and most people who are at our meetings don't exercise or they just take a walk around the neighborhood. My goals have so changed since I joined in March. Then it was lose 16lbs. Now it's run a 5k, run 5 miles, improve 5k times, keep running and going to the gym and finally quit smoking. I know I'm an idiot. I need to quit. I'm totally addicted. I love it. Smoking is the greatest/worst thing in my life. I NEED to quit now. I've set my quit goal and date. I imagine how much easier running and swimming will be when I quit. Actually running is not that hard, well I don't run and smoke at the same time, that would be hard! Actually I don't think I walk and smoke together either. I just know I have to quit and running/swimming will get so much fricken easier.

I put on an old pair of Levi's that I haven't worn since probably March/April. Well they used to be super tight around my ass (in a good way) and usually I would have to unbutton the top button. If I didn't unbutton the top button I would have deep red marks of my fat stomach. Well today they fit my stomach (ok I still have some light red marks). But my butt and hips are swimming in them. I think they are male Levi's (31 waist and 32 length). This stomach can't get away fast enough for me. I look like I'm friggin pregnant. If you saw me on the beach in my bikini (I wear one b/c I've seen to many FAT women who have no business wearing them) you would say "hey she looks good for three children and being 4 months pregnant" or "how far along do you think she is?" Well it's probably better (looking, not healthwise) than having fat legs and hips. I have no cellulite (or stretch marks for that matter) Oh who cares, if anyone is looking at me they are looking at my boobs and trying to guess how big they are.

Same old

Well we did get our run in yesterday. It was good. After our first jog, K needs to walk for 25 yds or so and we start up again. I think she takes longer to find her stride. I walk b/c she does, but don't feel that I need too. Though on the last run she has more energy than me and I have a hard time keeping up. It's weird. I would like to get rid of that 25 yd walk, I think it's just mental with her. The heat sucks though. It does make the whole run harder. We've started hiding our water bottles in the bushes so we don't have to carry them with us.

Today I did the gym. Some resistance (legs, stomach and arms) then I went for my swim. It was OK. When I go to my daughter's swim lesson i'm just itching to get in that pool, but when I finally get a chance to do it, I'm excited in the beginning, but once I'm in there i'm watching the sweep clock wondering when my 20 min is up. Swimming really exhausts me, I'm definately not lollying around the pool. I think I need to slow my stride down. I'm doing sprints on my last set of strokes too. I think the kid (20ish) two lanes over was giving me a head start, would do a lap back (while i'm doing free) and then catch up and pass me (he would switch to free) on my final free. Dick! No I'm kidding it keeps me on my toes. Or i'm just paranoid, but in March I would do that with the old guys (60ish) so who knows.

My weight was 147 this morning. I haven't journalized this whole week. Which is bad. I need to stay at 20pts, i'm sure some days I have been over. (like last night) I'm not a veggie lover either. No matter how hard I try they just aren't my thing. I have to force myself to eat them.

I don't get weighed until Saturday which sucks.

Good and bad day for me.

Today started out horrible, but got much better by 8:00 a.m. I got a rhoid last night. How? I don't f'n know. I got them all the time when I was pregnant and when I was just fat. But now I'm eating so healthy and have lost weight and I still get one. WTF?!!!! The only thing I can think of is lately I dropped the bran buds and/or oatmeal from my morning routine and in it's place I made a yogurt shake. Dammit. Those yogurt shakes are perfect for the morning. My shake is 1/2 cup lowfat plain (i'm sick of non-fat w/the exception of milk) ice, bannana, almond extract, peanut butter and 2 TBS crushed flax seed) Oh well I'll save them for the afternoon. I made a peach, vanilla extract one for 3:00 pm today. Anyhow I woke up last night from a nightmare and in pain from my rhoid. I was running a 5k and my arse was killing me. What kind of crazy dream is that? So I got up at 1:30 am got ice, basically put it on my ass and fell asleep watching God knows what. I do feel much better now thank you.

The good news.....I got on the scale and weighed 146!!! I last saw this wonderful number on Sunday morning, but it went away. I think it's those lime/tequilla turkey breasts from Costco. They always help my scale. Let's just hope I can hold onto this until weigh day and beyond. Then it's one more pound to goal.

It's going to rain tonight so our run is out. I'm really bummed. If it's not a thunderstorm I think we'll still try it. But I'm not holding out my luck on that one.

I really need to lose this stomach! I'm an apple shape person. Which basically means I have slim hips and legs, but I have a huge stomach and big boobs. My boobs were 38D in January. I took measurements and they are now 36 (yea) I'm pretty sure I'm still a D, but am wearing a C sport bra when I run. They are definately smaller...thank God. I don't understand why girls get those huge fake boobs in. First they get in the way and try buying tops. It sucks. I'm always asking dh if her (whoever is walking by) boobs are bigger than mine. The answer is always no. I never realized how big I am (or how small everyone else is) I actually tried my friends bikini top b/c I thought our boobs were the same. My nipples fit in the cups. My stomach is much smaller than it was in January, but it is still fat. It's not a mushy fat either it's a hard fat. I think it's viseral fat which is basically like anothe organ. How am I going to get rid of it? Just keep running I guess. The weight can't come of my legs or hips. There doesn't seem to be any fat on my backside or outer thighs (maybe some on the inner thighs, but barely enough to pinch) Ugh.

July 2005

I'm wondering if anyone is going to read this thing. I'm wondering how long I will post too.

Well my weight is 148 lbs. Three (3) more lbs to go. I know these three will be the hardest to lose. K and I have cut our running from every day to the original Mon, Wed and one weekend. On Tuesday and Thursday we will do our respective gym activities. I stopped swimming in late May and am starting up again once a week. The reason I quit is b/c swimming wasn't taking the weight off and I just wanted to improve my running. All studies point to swimming as being the worst at taking weight off. Something about cold water, blah, blah, blah and you are ravenous after swimming. Well I love swimming (so fuck it) and after the injuries I have developed I think it would be good. I feel that I burn off more when swimming anyway...I'm so fricken exhaused after 20 min. I'm trying to incorporate HIIT into the swimming routine also. Actually I think a flip turn alone is HIIT. I feel like I'm drowning after doing it.

K and I have learned to stretch before and after running. What dopes that we didn't do that all this time. We learned this the very hard way. K's hip problems and my left (not the right) calf cramps. My dd's swim coach told me that my left leg is weaker then my right and I need to strenghten and stretch the muscle before and especially after running. I've been doing it religiously ever since. Also a neighbor has an electrical current type machine which I've been using to repair any damage already done. Our last run yesterday was great. We added a whole new run section because we felt so good. I'm hoping to slowly get rid of these walks and tie all the runs together.

Looking back to this time last year up to January and I realize what a slug I was. I was eating crap morning, noon, night and in between. All processed foods, sweets, bad carbs, soda, alcohol etc...At 6:00 pm I planted my fat ass on the couch and didn't get up until I went to bed. What a pig I was. Now everything has changed.