BASTARDS

I'm finally watching detailed news coverage of Katrina. I'm more of a newspaper reader and get most of my information there. The news is basically a rehash of the NY Times anyhow. Also with the kids, PT work, dinner, and all the mother stuff I don't get much time to watch tv. Well I'm watching this horrow unfold today. The suffering in their voices and the desperation just breaks me heart. I can't even imagine losing everything, and then losing your family members or not knowing if your family members are alive. Onto the bastards in this! Those fucking looters. I can't believe them. How f'n selfish do you have to be? Why are you stealing a TV set, you have no damn electricity. Stealing boxes of Nike shoes. What assholes! I can understand stealing food/ice/water etc for survival. Things like that...I would steal to protect and feed my family. Somehow, someway I would find a way to pay for the stuff I took. But to have time/energy to actually steal a television set or a pair of pumps. For Pete's sake have some decency! I need to remember my motto.."what goes around comes around"

144 this morning. I was 144 last night. WTF is up with that? Usually there is a 2lb difference btwn night and day. Oh well.

No working out today. Which is weird for a Wednesday. I'm doing gym and run/walk tomorrow. It is so damn hot out there today. What's left of Katrina is coming our way. I doubt we will get much rain out of her, but the humidity is a killer. If it's not raining tonight I might take the kids and baby on a bike & stroller ride. I might be able to do a little run. I'm addicted.

I need new clothes. Everything is just hanging on me now. My favorite Levi's are just to big anymore. (red tag) Size 10 fit around the waist, but on the bottom half i'm just floating around in them. It's a nice feeling. Maybe I'll actually enjoy trying clothes on again. It got to the point last year where I just about cried when I tried on tops. Nothing would fit over 38 full D breasts. I should probably look into some new bra's also.

My neighbor (who did WW with me) asked me how I lost so much weight. Huh? She thinks it's the running. I told her no it was WW and the running. She never got into WW. She did it for 10 weeks and quit (lost 12lbs) but thinks she can do it on her own. Actually I shouldn't talk I haven't written anything down in about 3 weeks. Which is a bad habit to get into. I need to start back up with the writing if I want to drop another 9lbs by November 25th.

Why is it whenever I eat my lunch at work, everyone has to bother me? They have to come and look at it and ask questions. It's not like I prepare gourmet lunch meals. I'm getting a lot of "you look great, so different, how did you do it" I feel like a broken record. WW and running. Then it's what do you eat. I eat everything...just in moderation. I stay away from processed foods, I eat veggies, fruit, protein, fats. I keep telling everyone that this has not been easy, losing over 20lbs. It took 7 months (well Feb I just worked out at the gym, no WW) I don't think anyone noticed the first 10lbs I lost. Maybe that's it. They think I just lost weight since May.

I can't wear my IPOD for the 5k next week. Big bummer. I was getting my music all set up too. For some reason I have it in my head that music makes me faster. I notice that the "real" runners never wear IPods or MP3 players. They also wear sunglasses. The men don't wear shirts either. The girls usually just wear a sports bra. Boy that would be scary, me just wearing a sports bra. My stomach blubber would just be flapping all over the place. Not looking so skinny now.

I did a personal best on Sunday. Couldn't believe it. I was was really cruising (for me) Basically did 9ish min miles and ended at 28.54. What's amazing about the whole thing was that I ate 45 min before I ran (carb heavy pasta too) My stomach started yelling around minute 16.

Yesterday we ran and I did 33.15. I left my partner during the 3rd mile and finished that one in about 10 minutes. We did our 4th mile jog and picked up another neighbor on the way. She jogged 1/4 mile with us and walked the other 1.5 miles.

All in all I think I'm ready for the 5k next week. Doing hard hiit at the gym this week to prepare. If they get pics of us I'm going to post one. Also need to do another belly shot. The baby and I were playing with the fat yesterday....at least it's good for something!

Schools is in session!!! Yeah, hooray! Yesterday was my day off and it was so nice having one child not there. Such a big difference.

My 4.5 year old doesn't start pre-k until the middle of September. I'm still waiting on speech therapy for him. (he took it last year and his report card was basically no improvement, but a lot of progress....huh? I think the teacher really liked him and wanted to soften the blow) His speech has so regressed this summer. I get super mad when I see my neighbors 3 year old talk better than my kid. Our peditrician sent her off to therapy when her kid was 15 months. I couldn't get him to refer me when "T" was 3 years old. All I heard was "don't worry...blah, blah, blah.." ARGH it makes me so mad. Well I'm getting they baby set-up for speech in January. I'm demanding it this time. I have a feeling "T" will be in speech for the next 3+ years b/c we waited so long. I feel for him. He is getting so frustrated trying to get his point across. Half the time I don't know what he is saying.

No more parties!!!! It's done, it's over. I will still have beer/wine here and there, but I'm so done with the neighborhood party scene. It's a lot of drinking and gossip. I'm sick of both! Well more the latter. Now I can work on the November goals. Damm I need to update this blog and add blog links. Someday soon I hope.

145 this am. Ran this morning. Again so-so time. 33.30. My partner had to walk a few times. I just kept running. We ran the 4th mile too. (actually I should say jogged) I turned her on to my 3:00 yogurt drink. She's hooked.

1/2 cup plain low fat organic yogurt (or fat free w/a packet of splenda)
1 ripe bannana
5 ice cubes
splash almond extract
2tsp crushed flax seeds Benefits of flax seed

Blend above. Put in frig until ready to drink.

Another party to attend to tonight. Wonder what the scale will say on Monday.

I have new goals.

145. No gym today. I only went once this week. We went running tonight. 5k time 33.33. (so-so time compared to my solo runs, but at least we ran) My body was achy for some reason too. Just wasn't into it. My partner couldn't walk the other 2 miles with me, so I ran the 4th mile. Ha. BTW I hate running down long hills. It sucks on the shins. I tried to walk then run the rest of the 5th mile, but the body just wasn't there.

NEW GOALS....My goals on the profile are pretty damn crappy. Not detailed at all. Things have changed. 1st I want to run the November 5k in under 28 minutes. 2nd I want to lose 10 more pounds (135) by my 40th birthday. (late November) Then I will be the weight on my driver's license, the weight I was when I got married (though it wasn't all muscle then) To celebrate such a milestone (40, skinny, and a size 8??) I want to go to Philly, to my favorite Itailian restaurant,

La Locanda del Ghiottone
Gluttony is next to godliness. So is this Italian food.
Editorial Rating: Recommended
The SceneThe single-storey restaurant gives off an inviting glow that's foreign Old City's trendy spots. Arrive early in the evening for seats, otherwise you'll end up waiting (which may give you enough time to run for a bottle of wine). Be prepared to eat: translated the name means "the place of the gluttons." The FoodThe appetizer menu contains a few standouts, most notably the mussels in a tomato base, served with a sprig of sage and bread for mopping up sauce. Try oyster shells stuffed with shellfish, and crêpes filled with mushrooms. The first course contains dishes without sides such as the black fettuccini with tuna, olives and tomatoes. The second course is heavier on meats. Chicken, lamb and beef courses are rounded out with roasted potatoes, risotto and smaller sides of pasta. The "unfortunate rabbit" is unexpectedly bold, and devilishly delicious for anyone who had a cuddly bunny as a childhood pet.

Bring 1 bottle of wine (My sil is a wine buyer and got us a $200 bottle for a special occasion..i think this is it) Maybe bring the ZD Wine also (Zero Defects to us) we have stored in my BIL wine cellar. Hey I'm actually looking forward to turning 40!

Ran last night. Pretty good time.

1st mile 10.06 (with a shoe tie stop)
2nd mile 9.00
3rd mile 9.20 (with a find your water bottle in the bush, open bottle, gulp water walkish)
last 10th 1.05

My mind and body were so in sync. It was a great feeling. I might have run faster b/c it was a black night by the time I finished, and I was so mad that hubby came home about 40min later than he said he would. All in all I'm glad I ran.

My fat stomach is still pissing me off. Went to the gym today did legs, hitt, stomach and a little arms. I see all these girls w/these super flat stomach and big hips and chunky thighs. Not that I want wide hips and big thighs (i definately don't) but when is my stomach going to start flattening. I have a waist now and it looks like I'm getting some kind of line down the middle of my stomach, but there is so much blubber there. They say you can't spot reduce, but I think that is bullshit. I'm running 3 days a week mininum, 2 days cardio at the gym, core work 2x a week (more for running and swimming endurance than anything) I don't get it. Maybe I'll take more pics and compare them to the July pics.

Hiit was good. I'm usually at 4.7 (recovery) and up to 7.5-8.5(exercise speed) at the end. I dropped the 4.7 walk and made it a 5.2 slow run. Actually the slow run is easier than the fast walk.

Wearing my size 12 "fat" pants today. (little note here....I'm not saying that someone who wears size 12 is fat ... I was that weight for about 6 years and never thought I was fat...until this January...I needed to lose weight or I was going to go up to 14-actually i was a size 14... then 16 etc....needed to nip it in the bud now!) They are big on me, and I must wear a belt to keep them up. I need to get rid of these big clothes. After losing 20lbs I feel like they should just fall off me. By keeping these pants around it's like I haven't accepted that those 20lbs are gone. I think down deep I'm waiting for me to gain 10+lbs this winter. I can NOT let that happen.

Started thinking about the 5k in September and my Ipod music. I think the first song has to be Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It starts out slow and kicks ass in the end. It's on my Ipod now I need to check how long it is...if I recall it's like a 9 min song. After that I'm thinking a little Prince, some Violent Fem's, Def Leppard... hmmm going to have to work on the music selection. Need some hard core pump up the volume for the final mile. Suggestions anyone?

146 this morning. whew. Yesterday started out bad and got much better later. I had the play date. Instead of one girl I had to invite her older sister (1 year apart) Did I mention I have 3 children also? The kids were fun and far to loud. "shhh and be quiet the baby is sleeping" do not work. What does work is "SHUT UP!!!!" yelled at the top of your voice. Bad mother and play date host but geesh. I had the beginnings of a migraine all morning, but didn't realize it was one until the girls left. Thank God I have migraine meds. (once I didn't and it was 3 days in hell) After a rest, I got a nice healthy Mexican dinner cooked for everyone.

Went running yesterday (no humidity!!!!) Ran with my partner. 1st mile was around 12 min (!!!???) I finally spoke up and said we have to run mile 2 faster. Got to the 13min marker in 15 min and ran mile 2 in a little over 10 minutes. My partner really gets a burst of energy in mile 3 when I'm usually pooping out. All in all ran a 5k in 34 minutes. I'm going to run tonight on my own. Work on doing the first mile slow (10ish minutes) the second in 9ish and the final 1.1 in around 10. My partner doesn't think she/we can run the 5k in September in under 34 minutes. I told her she was crazy and yes we could do in a better time and that I KNOW I can do it in 30. I quess I haven't told her that on my personal runs I'm usually under 30 minutes. The race is in about 2+ weeks. We did talk last night about increasing our runs from 5k to 3.5 miles, then 4miles etc. Big bummer .... it's also getting dark so much earlier. Soon we are going to have put those goofy vests on so the teenagers and cell phone drivers in the neighborhood don't run us down.

September (busy season) will soon be upon all of us. School, homework, soccer practice, swimming practice and early nights. I'm looking forward to fall though. I hate, hate hot weather. I'd rather be playing in a foot of snow then sweating like crazy any day of the week. Only bummer about snow is that you can't run.

gripe of the day: Why is it that everytime I turn on Fox news (better yet, why am I turning on this right wing drivel) that the story is that missing Natalee Holloway in Aruba? I just don't get it. She must be one of hundreds of girls that go missing every week. I don't get why she is special. This story is so tired. Let it go, there are other more important things going on in the world...lets see ....there is a war being fought (that seems so much more important than some blond chick) iran has nuclear capabilities, gas prices are through the roof (just wait until winter) the Sudan, Darfur, Niger, Avian flu, aids, breast cancer, lung cancer please anything but the same old crap about Aruba and this girl. I'm about ready to get the 12 gauge out and shoot the tv to pieces....why do I have to hear about her? What can anyone in the good 'ole USA do about what is going in Aruba?

fuck. Got on the scale yesterday 150. This morning 148-149. ARGHHHHHH! Got AF this morning too. Can I blame it on that? No. Yesterday was a complete waste. Never recovered fully from discusting eating habits Saturday night and those 6 beers, + some peach drink. Have a huge headace this morning from crying during the final "Six Feet Under" episode. I feel huge.

Decided to get rid of all size 12 clothes in my home. First to go is that size 13 skirt I wear all the time. Need to let go of my old body.

Will definately run tonight. I would love to go to the gym this morning, but play dates at my home instead. Can't gym tomorrow b/c I have a mammogram. Mind is all fuddled right now. Not a time to blog.

Saw all my college sorority sisters yesterday. What fun. I just saw some of the girls in May and have lost 10lbs since then. Got a lot of compliments about how good I look since losing those last 10. One girl even told me I looked shorter...which we thought might be from boob loss. It wasn't meant as a negative comment and I don't take it that way. Well all those "you look good" did the reverse for me....I ate fine at the party, but 2 hours later I had to have a WAWA wrap, and some crappy discusting pure bad carb desert, and cookies. Not even looking at that scale this morning. Drinking tons of water...maybe will run tonight. The humidity is back (did it ever leave) but I think I really need to sweat out the poisens in my system. Did I mention all the beers i drank?

I feel better now. Boy was I in a crappy mood yesterday. I realized it was all about my look and dress. I went kid school shopping and we stopped at Old Navy, and when I went in the dressing room I realized I looked positively dumpy. I had my hair pulled back, gray hairs showing, no make-up, a size 13 skirt (that I got a month after the baby was born when I was about 170+lbs) and a blousy shirt. But, I tried on a pair of cords.....and .......i'm an old navy size 8! Ha. Ok I know Old Navy sizes are complete crap and the pants were low risers, but they looked damn good on me! I was admiring myself (waist down) and then my 4 year old says "you look chunchkie"...he has a speech problem we are working on. No Santa Claus for him this year! LOL! So much for that.

Why is it when I was in my 20's I wouldn't be seen without make-up or hair perfect and now that I'm in my late 30's I don't even bother half the time?

Well I got home. Got laid and feel tons better.

Went running this morning. Really worked on form and starting out slow instead of super fast. Did the first mile at 10.25, the second around 9:15 and the final around 10 with a water walk. I did a huge sprint at the end too. It was cloudy and low temperature but the damn humidy was again like 95%. Well it was a concentrated form run so I'm happy.

Another party today. Where is my period?

I'm a bitch

Yes I am a bitch. AF is coming. I have eaten everything in this house. Even brautworst (sp) I just stuck the spoon in the natural, honey peanut butter (2x) I've yelled at everyone at least 20 million times. I've decided I want a wife. I want to come home to a clean house, a cooked dinner and eat my dinner by myself in peace and quiet while I read the NY Times. I want to do 1 load of wash to my wife's 8 loads. Then I want to leave that load in the dryer till she gets around to finding it. I never want to clean the bathrooms, make the bed, or put my clothes away. I want to sit in the living room and read the rest of the paper while she loses her mind with the children. I want to go to the VFW and drink beer and never have to worry about putting on weight. I want to lose 10lbs this year while doing no dieting and just walking the dogs 2 nights a week. I will enjoy all my hobbies that take me out of the house for hours at a time. I want my wife to have to do all the painting b/c "i don't paint" I want to have 3 bowel movements a day and announce to everyone that I am going to the bathroom. Which basically means I'm outta here for the next half hour. I don't want to put a fan in the bathroom b/c that would be a pain in the ass. I don't want ceiling fans b/c it would lower our gas/electric bills and it bothers me-- that air on me. I do love putting the kids to bed everynight. I will bathe the kids when asked. I want a wife.

"how to grill" by Steven Raiclen. The best grill cookbook you can buy. His philosophy is "if you can eat it, you can grill it." We grill everything here. From veggies, beer can chicken to fruit (pineapples in cocunut milk, dipped in brown sugar and served warm with vanilla ice cream..mmmmm) you can even grill tofu (yeck)

Brine recipe:
1/4 c coarse salt
2 bay leave
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup hot water, plus 3 cups cold water
20 whole black peppercorns
1 small onion thinly sliced
1 red chile pepper, sliced
2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed

Place the salt, brown sugar, peppercorns, chile pepper and bay leaves in a non-reactive bowl and add hot water. Whisk until the salt and brown sugar are dissolved. Stir in cold water and let cool to room temperature. Pour the brine over chicken (pork etc) stir in the rest of ingrediants. Cover dish with plastic wrap and let stand in frig for a least 2 hours (i reccomend 7+ hrs) Turn breasts once or twice.

143 ish this morning. Will probably be up to 145 tomorrow on weigh day though. The baby woke up at 3 am so we ate grahamn crackers, milk and he had some yogurt. I might of had a cookie too, can't remember.

Gym day was good. Great hiit session. 4.7 on the down low and 7.5-8.5 on the high end. I usually start at 7.5 and by minute 20 I'm seriously sprinting. Actually saw my form in the mirror and I looked like a real runner. I don't think I look like that on a real road though. I'm probably more leaning over and not kicking as high. I really have to think about running straight at times. I'm always trying to correct my posture on runs. Thought about running tonight too (obsessive you say?) Well see. If I do it it will be a slow run. Maybe I'll take the kids for a walk/bike instead. Our friends are coming over with a log splitter to split the rest of that maple tree. We will never be in need of firewood for a long time.

More Food & exercise

Yummy. I (for once) brined my chicken breast before I went to work. They were in the brine for about 7 hours (usually I marinate them for 1 hour) I grilled them and they were so damn juicy, tender, and succulent. Best bbq chicken I have had in a long time. I wanted to marinate them in this coconut marinade when I got home...but I didn't have 2 extra hours to do it. That would of been one hell of a dinner. Next time. I have a healthy baby ... he loves zucchini!

Went running when I got home (about 3ish) Damn it was a lot hotter than 7ish. Ran hard. (for me) 1st mile at 9.15, second at 9:05 and third....well I walked 2x and thought about passing out in the neighborhood with no shade trees. I finished in 29.30. And this was an actual 5k. I was always guessing on that google pedometer with the miles. I re-do my route today so I can end in front of a house...and after all that, I realize it will do it in metric for you. (dumb ass) One mistake I did is I left my water bottle at 3 miles (usually p/u at 2.5 miles) I'm happy with my time (pissed at the walks) Work on that next week.

Food

I am thinking about food today. I'm eating my carrots (have an apple for later on) and I am wondering why carrots are banned from low carb diets. Carrots have so much good in them. I've decided I won't go on any diet that says a certain vegetable or fruit is banned. Are all those carbs in carrots going to put tons of weight on you? If you eat a cup of carrots a day will you gain 1+lbs a week? Or is it you won't lose weight if you eat carrots? If carrots are bad apples have to be worse. Maybe that's why I only lost 17lbs since March. Dammit if I didn't eat carrots and apples 2-3times a week I would of lost 30+lbs (extreme sarcasm!) Anyhow here are the benefits of carrots:

Health Benefits
Carrots are an excellent source of antioxidant compounds, and the richest vegetable source of the pro-vitamin A carotenes. Carrots' antioxidant compounds help protect against cardiovascular disease and cancer and also promote good vision, especially night vision.
Beta-carotene helps to protect vision, especially night vision. After beta-carotene is converted to vitamin A in the liver, it travels to the retina where it is transformed into rhodopsin--a purple pigment that is necessary for night-vision. Plus beta-carotene's powerful antioxidant actions help provide protection against macular degeneration and the development of senile cataracts--the leading cause of blindness in the elderly.
Carotenoids and Cancer
Carrots are by far one of the richest source of carotenoids--just one cup provides 16,679 IUs of beta-carotene, more than 250% of the RDA, and 3,432 REs (retinol equivalents), or roughly 686.3% the RDA for vitamin A. High carotenoid intake has been linked with a 20% decrease in postmenopausal breast cancer and an up to 50% decrease in the incidence of cancers of the bladder, cervix, prostate, colon, larynx, and esophagus. Extensive human studies suggest that a diet including as little as one carrot per day could conceivably cut the rate of lung cancer in half. Remember the study in which heavy long-term cigarette smokers were given synthetic beta-carotene, and it did not appear to prevent them from developing lung cancer? Well, not only is synthetic beta-carotene not biochemically identical to the real stuff found in carrots, but scientists now think that carrots' protective effects are the result of a team effort among several substances abundant in carrots, including alpha-carotene--another, less publicized carotenoid. A recent National Cancer Institute study found lung cancer occurence was higher in men whose diets did not supply a healthy intake of alpha-carotene.
Carotenoids and Blood SugarIntake of foods such as carrots that are rich in carotenoids may be beneficial to blood sugar regulation. Research has suggested that physiological levels, as well as dietary intake, of carotenoids may be inversely associated with insulin resistance and high blood sugar levels.
Falcarinol in Carrots Protects against Colon Cancer
Although best known for their high content of beta carotene, carrots also contain a phytonutrient called falcarinol that may be responsible for the recognized epidemiological association between frequently eating carrots and a reduced risk of cancers.

145 lbs. I think I may have reset my weight. AF is coming in 4 days (i can't get enough salt or food in me at the moment)

Did the gym this morning. The usual...legs, HIIT, stomach and arms. Hiit was harder than usual. Most likely b/c I haven't done it in close to a month. Still having some shin issues. I haven't decided if I'm going to do a run by myself tonight. I'll decide on how my body feels after dinner. I don't want to overtrain but I need to get a good road run in at least once a week. The slow running is starting to wear on me. Last night was 36 min for about 3.3 miles and I can do 3.1 in 28.54 min. That's about 5 min difference if the distance was the same. We keep hitting "my" 13 min mark at 15+ min. Why am I so obsessed with this? I can't run hard every night. After the shape I was in last year, it's amazing that I'm able to run at all. Must be AF making me weird.

Dh is soo sweet. The other night he jumped on me in bed and said "i love what you've done with your body, it's like being with a 25 yr old" how nice is that? Ok, ok he wanted sex too (and at 25 I was 125 of muscle) but it sure was a nice confidence booster. He actually mentioned to me last night that he might get back into running. (he was a cross country runner in high school and has run the Marine Corp marathon (hungover mind you and finished) years ago) He would probably kick my ass if he ran with me tonight.

Had an MD visit today that I was looking forward too. Needed to get migraine and another prescription refilled, a mamogram referral and questions about shin splints. After waiting 40 minutes I told the front desk that I would have to reschedule. Who the hell do these doctors think they are? I dropped a gyno years ago when he made me wait 1.5+ hours to see me. The only reason they took me when they did b/c i was a total bitch, I used the courtesy phone in the waiting room (which was packed) to call a friend and get the name and number of her gyno and proceeded to call that gyno and set up a visit. I would of probably waited over an hour to see this doctor b/c a woman and her teenage daughter went in together 5 min before I said fuck it.
I have no patience.

146 this morning. That's pretty fascinating since I was a carb whore all day yesterday.

Did my kid duty this morning and agreed to play "my little pony" with my dd. I've never mentioned it (and this is horrible) but I HATE playing barbies. I can handle my pretty pony, but dd has all these weird stories that we have to follow. I'd rather play thomas the tank engine anyday over barbies.

My whole fricken body is killing me. I know it's from the crazy diving off the 15ft spring board on Saturday. My arms, back and head are all strained. I've decided I am a nut. Most adults would of gone off that board maybe twice. Me.....probably about a dozen times.

Went for a run today. It was to slow. Way to slow. I'm now going to go out on my own 2x a week (if I can) and run at my own pace. Running partner was bummed at our time (3.5 miles at 36) Thinks my watch is wrong...but we are running so fricken slow. I could actually run 4+miles easily at this pace. Can't take it anymore, need to get back to my under 30 times. Tomorrow is speed intervals (hiit) and gym day. I'm either going to run hard tomorrow or see what the weather is for Thursday and run hard that day. If I do it on Thursday, I get Friday off and can rest up for a slow Saturday. I feel like i'm going backwards on this running thing. I need to figure it out.

Researched a training plan for our 5k in Novemeber. www.runningplanet.com/articles/article_detail.asp?article_id=230

This definately needs to be modified. I guess the person who wrote the article doesn't realize that some people have work and a family to consider. With family comes kid's sports, early nights in the fall etc...I'm going to try the program, but it is only a 5k not a marathon.

Took all three kids to the pool. What a nightmare. Daughter's tooth fell out with tons of blood. The baby just wanted to walk around the pool, pick-up dirty band-aids and try to jump in. He ended up having a temper tantrum and we left. The others whined and cried about it.

I finally got around to cooking the lamb I got from Costco during Easter. Found the recipe on the internet. It was a Moroccan recipe. Basically I was suppose to cook a 9lb lamb for 1.25 hours. I had a 7lb lamb and 2 hours later it still wasn't done. Cut it in half and put it on the grill for another 15. Dh had to cook the rest of it after dinner. Other than that a good meal (with cukes, veggies and couscous, yum)

Today was exhausting! Ran this morning in the ungodly heat. I'm not even posting my time here b/c it sucked. I think I'm going to do a run by myself during the week b/c my pace is much faster than my partners. I think I'm having some shin issues too. Everytime I got out of the pool today and bumped my shin on the ladder searing pain ran through it. At one time I had to use the "baby steps" to get out. That can't be right. I'll have to google it and see wtf is going on.

Threw a huge party for the neighborhood today at the local pool. Let's just say I weighed 144 before party and 147 after. Had a huge piece of cheesecake and I have no damn regrets about it either. Dove off the high board lots of times, which was super fun. That is until my last running, jumping dive that felt like my scalp was going to rip off my head. Actually my head still hurts. Drinking tons of water now so I feel good tomorrow am and to flush out all the food I consumed today. Was invited to a party tonight, but I sent hubby alone b/c I don't feel like being hungover tomorrow morning.

What makes a person look like a "real" runner? Is it the body shape, clothing, and/or stride? I've been thinking about this one lately. I wonder do I look like a "real" runner? Or do I look like I'm faking it? Today on the way back from the store I noticed a woman running and she looked like a faker. She wasn't fat, she had on the right clothing, but she just didn't come accross as a "real" runner. She was in her 30's but kinda shuffling along. Heck she could of been on mile 10...at that point I would probably be crawling along. There's a woman that sometimes runs in my neighborhood who definately looks like a faker, but she's a real runner. I wonder why she comes across like a bad runner. Again, my neighborhood is probably mile 10 or something, but she leans forward too much. (and wears long black tights in the awful heat)

Well anyway...got weighed at WW 145.2. That is my actual goal weight. I would really like to see 143 on the scale soon. Period is coming next week so highly doubful on that one. One of my neighbors is gaining weight and she is "dieting". Yes that's right, she not eating. Ohhhh, maybe a few chicken nuggets here, diet coke, some salad. Yep she's losing muscle tone and replacing it with fat. Go for it. I'm to tired to repeat the obvious.

Looking forward to a morning run tomorrow. I love running in the early morning. Wish we would go at 7:00 instead of 9:00 b/c it's going to be a scorcher tomorrow. My legs are still sore from running so many days straight last week. I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow.

Big party tomorrow also. No Mike's hard lime. I'm bringing a 6 pack of Miller lite and will drink 2 bottles of water between each one.

Avoid Alcohol and Smoking. Both inhibit the burning of abdominal fat. That's why drinkers and smokers tend to be bigger around the waist than abstainerssmokin. Ah ha! That's it! It's all my fault!!! Another reason to completly quit.

This is weird. Tonight was a non-exercise night. So I hung out around the house with the kids etc, and I just realized my little girl is really growing up, and my first son looks so much taller. Actually he's been taking naps during the day lately so maybe he is having a growth spurt. But my daughter, I don't know just looks different. Maybe it's just the chop job haircut she gave herself. (she now kinda looks like Pat Benatar LOL) Everyone says they grow up so fast....I guess the fast part has just started. :(

145 this morning. The run last night was extremely slow. My running partner's body just wasn't there. I think running 4 days in a row really can take a toll on your body. (i was fine though) We hit the 13 min marker at 15.47 and she kept walking alot , but me being the psycho-cardio bitch I am kept running. She was fine with it and understands why I wouldn't stop. In the end her competitive spirit came out and ended a minute behind me. We fast walked the last two miles.

Went to the gym this morning. God I missed the gym. Did legs, stomach and arms. Some gray haired lady got on the abducters after me and jacked the weight up to 100 or more lbs. Pretty amazing. (i'm at 70lbs) Her legs didn't look to muscular though. Hmmmmm. Skipped the elipitical and went for a swim. Only did about 34 laps and basically drowned during flip turns. I'm definately out of shape in swim mode. I think my legs thanked me though. My upper half was screaming at me. Was going to try HIIT swim, but my lungs were like "fuck you".

I need to start HIIT again next week!!!! My endurance is definately down. Around mile 2.7ish my body feels like quitting. I did eliptical for about 3 weeks and i'm done with it until October. I'm psyched to be back on the treadmill doing speed intervals. My running partner tells me she has to increase & decrease her speed manually while doing HIIT. What a pain in the ass.

Why is it that my stomach is huge after running? Before I go it looks pretty good. By the time I get done it looks like I drank a gallon of water (container and all) Weird, weird, weird.

Well no more cardio or exercise until Saturday morning. It will be nice to have the night off from running (the kids desperately need a bath and some quality time with mom) Tomorrow the hubby is taking them to the aquarium and I get to have the baby all day and do Costco w/out the others hanging off the cart and fighting in the car.

I would love a beer right now.

Wednesday. Ok I haven't been to the gym in over a week. Debated about heading over there before work, but the baby had a high fever so I never got it together. Wednesdays suck at the gym anyhow. All the old ladies at water aerobics take forever in the showers and the locker rooms also. God bless them for doing it 3x a week, but I'm in too much of a hurry to deal. Also I needed to swim today. I'm running tonight (unless it rains) for the third straight night and my legs would probably crumple on eliptical today. I let them crumple tomorrow instead.

Weight today 146. Better than 150 before the run last night. Like I said I'm obsessed with the scale.

Gotta dash.

Back from the camping trip from hell. We actually went to Ethopia for the weekend. I am covered in bug bites (deet does not work at all)

I ate pretty good. (veggie burgers, whole wheat bread, carrots, apples, water, salad, bannanas)
The crap I ate.... (1 million wheat thins, chips, beer, 1 million cigs, pizza, etc)

Gained 2lbs on the trip.

Ran/walk once for 30minutes. I hate this *$#@&^^$$## DAMM WEATHER! It is to hot to do anything. My camp friend and I could barely breathe while running at 7:30 am. It sucked. I didn't even bother going the next day b/c running in high humidy sucks, no a/c sucks more, and camp showers suck the most.

I don't get some of the people that go camping. In the bath houses the girls/ladies are at the mirror putting make-up on and curling their hair! Why! It's 120 with humidty, the make-up is going to melt off (why wear it..you are tan) and why are you curling your hair? Please! If you are 25 and under you don't need make-up, curls, whatever at a camp site at 8:00 in the morning. One 60 year old lady was putting mosisturizer on while I waited in the bathroom line (5 min) and when I got out she was still putting moisturizer on! Just slap it on for Pete's sake.

Well I'm glad we are back home and I will never go camping on the East coast in the summer time again. Fall yes...but never summer.

I did get back in the groove last night and ran 3 miles and walked another mile. Forgot to time myself, but it was a slow run. Skipped w/o this morning to catch up on work and crap. Might have to run tonight to make-up for it. That is if it is not raining and hot as hell out. I hate getting out of my schedule. I'm back on track w/eating right, but I need to get back in the gym mode...it's been a week since I've been there and I can't stop.

Later that day....
I went running. This Ironman watch I got is great and bad too. I'm obsessed with my time. Ran the 5k (actually might be a little short on the distance) in 28.54 min. I really pushed myself on the last mile to beat 29 min. Did a huge long sprint at the end which practically killed me.

No jury duty. All 30 trials were either dismissed, settled or summons were issued for peoples arrests. All that worry for nothing, and all that getting dressed up for nothing. Ah well. Daughter cut her hair today. Spent an hour at the stylist...her bangs are shorter than her brothers in some places.

Ate like crap today. So far one bannana, one flavored water, bag of peanuts from vending machine and one Miller lite. Looks like veggie burger or pizza tonight b/c I have a ton of wash to do and I need to get the car pretty much packed tonight. 145lbs this am. I am packing good food for beach and camping trip. Apples, tomatoes, cukes, veggie burgers, carrots, eggs, tons of water, turkey breast etc. One night we are splurging on crabs. Can not wait!!!! Hope everyone has a good weekend. This post is so very boring.

145 this am. Went to the gym. Legs, stomach, arms and hill elipitcal for 20 min. I really do hate that machine. Just 2 more weeks then I'm done with it. Back to treadmill and/or swimming. Debated about swimming today instead, but I forgot my goggles and didn't psych myself up for a swim.

I'm obsessed about:

the scale
running
food
my stomach fat
144 lbs
the gym

It's all I think about it. I'm scared I'm going to quit exercising and be flabby again. I'm starting to think about the winter when I won't be able to run b/c of snow. I can always do the treadmill, but that isn't real running. Maybe I'll check out the Masters swim program at my gym instead.

Today is the first day I bought lunch in a long time. I always bring my lunch b/c I can make it super healthy and it's cheap. I did not feel like tuna again so I went to subway and got a whole wheat turkey w/no cheese. Baked Lays also. I have no idea how many points that is...Proably about 10. Basically I have 5 points left for the day. Fuck.

Going to dress like a super Red Republican tomorrow. I have jury duty. I tried on one of my old banker girl skirts this morning. Size 8! Ok, ok it was tight and not to comfy, but it will work for tomorrow. Debated on going as a dead head hippie girl...but it think tight ass republican will get me off the jury better.

Ok....I found this on another blog...crack me up. If you don't like the F word...well don't bother listening to it.... I hate atkins To damn funny.

Ran today. I'm not even going to tell how many times I walked. I added 1.30 minutes or so to my time. Dh says it's because I ran so hard last night. My body just didn't want to do it....or should I say my right leg....the back muscle...gluteous whatever was so tight. Ugh. Well I got 50 min of run and walk alltogether.

Tomorrow is gym day. I'm going to see how I feel... might skip eliptical and swim instead.

Dh is going camping on Thursday. Whew!!!! Now I can set up the tent while he watches the kiddies. I'm completly anal about tent set-up. Last time my neighbor tried to be a big help and wouldn't let me set it up...he never staked the fly and rain got all in our tent. (dick) I'm to harsh. He's the nicest guy, but I like to set up my own living space.

Ever wonder

Do you ever wonder how you got to today? I was putting on my son's shoes for him today and this is not how I saw my life. Well, I don't know how I really saw my life at 39. Don't get me wrong I am very happy with where I/we are. I have a fantastic husband. He is hot and sexy as hell to me...he's definately my type...rugged, outdoorsy, hunter, fisherman, ex Marine, (whoops once a Marine always a Marine) kinda like a young Harrison Ford type. The only thing we are different are on is his NRA membership, and politics. He's as RED as you can get and I've gone from RED to BLUE. Isn't it suppose to be from liberal to conservative as you got older? What the hell I do things backwards most times anyway.

Anyhow I digress...I have three wonderful kids (who, yes on someday's, work on that last nerve I have) I always pictured myself with 2 boys. Well I do have two boys and one girl. Maybe it's b/c I was an only child that I'm not used to; "he's copying me" "make her quit kicking me" "he's looking at me" "i'm first" "i won" "you're a poopy head". Well anyway that "I never pictured this" ran through my head today. Some days I get panic attacks (very small ones) worrying about:

when they grow up
Am I not playing with them enough while they are young
Am I a good mother
Am I doing it all wrong
Should I be more patient, more lax, more strict
How will we afford what's best for them

I guess every parent worries about the above. I'm just starting to get a little freaked about it all.

Weird thing happened last weekend. We were at that party and some guy from middle school saw and recognized me. (found out later) I actually talked to him ("no thank you") and I would never in a million years place him as who he was. How the hell can you recognize someone from like 25 years ago. Actually it bums me out b/c i was such a middle school looooser! Anyhow, found out later that while I was carrying the baby and leaving he said to my neighbor "she has a baby?!!! She's my age!!" What the hell is that suppose to mean? I had the baby at 38...ok i'm not a young mom, but it wasn't like I was 49 and a new mother. So I started late with marriage and kids. (married at 31, first child 33, then 34 and last one at 38---If I had to choose between getting married at 31 vs 21 I would definately choose the former) I just thought the whole comment was strange and how the hell can someone recognize me 25 years later?